Tortoise
by K-79
Summary: He wasn't going to make it, if he kept on like this. Hikigaya Hachiman starts anew, against the only person willing to let him remain detached from the world.
1. Prologue: Are You Listening?

_**Disclaimer:**_ **Oregairu doesn't belong to me, all rights reserved to Wataru Watari.**

 **I've taken an exceptional amount of imaginative liberty when writing this; so if there's anything that seems factually off, please let me know, so I can embarrassingly and discretely edit the chapter(s).**

 **Prologue: Are You Listening?**

The distraught he faced these days was of the haunting variety. Not the night terrors that Komachi used to have, though in comparison those seemed preferable. Hikigaya Hachiman spent the lonely hours of the evening in solitude as he always had, but found himself dreading existence rather than enjoying the tranquility that it used to give him. His mind was too occupied into trying to hastily justify and defend the lifestyle and ideals he had created. He never expected to explain and defend them to _himself_.

He spent his nights going stir-crazy; he would say that he was praying but he didn't condone to faith or any spirituality. He had undeniably been through better times, though he wasn't so illogical as to become an alcoholic or harm himself (yet, anyway). The Hikigaya Hachiman of several years ago would have called the current one a foolish man-boy, burned and brought down by the illusion that his youth and the world force-fed him.

He had bags under his eyes frequently, as a result of his frequent sleepless nights. He hadn't completely detached himself from his day-to-day life. After all, if he was to go through a crisis he'd most certainly prefer it in short bursts, and in the comfort of his well air-conditioned apartment. Small as it may be, it was comfortable and through the efforts of Komachi and his mother, it had turned from a sparse, spartan apartment into a cozy dwelling. Many people would consider the location not so ideal, as it's a little too far from the nearest station. It doesn't do much for aesthetic appeal nor scenery outside, but Hikigaya had pride in it. It was _his_ home; after spending so much time with it, he held nothing but appreciation for it.

Looking at the time, he realized he wouldn't actually fall asleep at a reasonable time. Spending hours trying to sleep instead of actually sleeping wasn't his idea of time efficiently spent. At 3:41 AM, he could get some work done or prepare a late meal and still manage to take a nap before having to leave his building. Being a graduate student suited his lifestyle fairly well despite his partial resentment of academia. He had the advantage of going to classes that had nothing to do with mathematics or the sciences, and if he chose, could work an abominable amount of hours during the week for more underwhelming pay as a teaching assistant at Chibadai[1].

As he got up and swiveled his arm to switch the alarm function on his phone off, he caught a glance at the photograph frame sitting on his nightstand. He really ought to have got rid of it. He only kept it because Komachi had brought it from his parent's house a while back, and was more than upset when she found it away from his belongings. He was never the kind to keep tokens of the past around himself in the first place; not to mention the contents of the photo made his skin run cold.

To be honest, Hikigaya Hachiman didn't get rid of the photo for many reasons. He knew, deep in his psyche, that he was incapable of forgetting.

He was afraid that it would make those dreadful, boring, and undeniably best years of his life more meaningless.

"Hah. What are you two looking at? Without a care in the world." He briefly thought for a moment that talking to a photograph was going to break past the Hikigaya Hachiman Chuuni-Warn-O-Meter.

The photograph was illuminated by his still unlocked smartphone; a picture of Yukinoshita, Yuigahama, and himself during their end of second-year highschool ceremony they held privately. Hiratsuka-sensei took the picture of the three: a bubbling Yuigahama sandwiched between the pensive and reserved Yukinoshita, and his own reluctant, grimacing self. Though, to his own defense, he thought that his expression was friendlier than it should ever be. If he cropped out his head, it would make a great photo to use on social media.

He spent a few moments looking at the photo, his highschool years rushing back to him. He never told Hiratsuka-sensei his thanks, as despite whatever grievances he expressed to her he was undoubtedly grateful for the Service Club.

He still didn't really care much for the people they had helped. He didn't receive any satisfaction from helping people out of the "goodness of his heart" as Yuigahama had. He wasn't even certain that their efforts made the school or students any better off. If Hiratsuka-sensei just wanted him to do something to occupy his time, then she had done it splendidly by spending no resources whatsoever, at least on the faculty's part. He wondered if it was okay that she treated him out to dinner many times when he was still a highschool student, and she a teacher.

He smiled and chuckled when he remembered the moment he broke down infront of his two clubmates. It was so embarrassing. So _friggin'_ embarrassing he couldn't believe that he actually said all-of-that-in-person-to-the-people-he-saweveryday. He was convinced he cringed himself an inch shorter that night, but he was elated on the inside. Even Hikigaya Hachiman knew that there was an alternative to everything. It just wasn't something he tried to grasp

He missed those years. When he could royally screw up in academics and he would receive a slap on the wrist from Hiratsuka-sensei or a "shikata ga nai[2]" and a sigh from either of his parents when they saw his mathematic grades. He could make an absolute asshole of himself to resolve any issue anyone ever had, and began to pride himself on the fact that life seemed to become simple. He could solve everything at his expense; it was utilitarian by nature and he only got what he wanted out of it.

And then, he thought of his third year. The year that had changed his life, he believed. Arguably, the year that drove him to the state he was in today.

By now, Hikigaya Hachiman was sitting on his mattress, both feet planted on the ground, back hunched, and elbows resting on his thighs. He stared blankly at the wooden floor, trying his best to think of something else.

He tried to forgot that year. And at the same time, he remembered it so well.

* * *

" _You're sitting too close to me, Hikigaya-kun. I'm not very comfortable with you right now."_

" _Oh. Sorry."_

"…"

"…"

" _Hikigaya-kun, why are you so faraway? Are you so insensitive that you don't even want to be close to the woman you call your girlfriend? You are truly a social idiot, aren't you?"_

 _Hikigaya ground his teeth against each other as the girl he was seated next to started to laugh in her muffler. He was starting to think that the trip would be better spent if he had his earphones in._

" _My, tha_ _t's quite the expression, Hikigaya-kun. With your already rotten eyes looking like that, you look like you're going to reap the souls of young children."_

 _He didn't give her comment a response, but soon felt two gloved hands on each side of his head._

" _Look this way, so that you won't frighten the entire train." The gloved hands turned his head gently to his side, their owner's face inching closer to his._

 _He saw a warm smile and glint in the eyes of Yukinoshita Yukino, whose face was slightly reddened by both the cold weather and her flirting. She kept her hands on his face, staring deeply into him. His expression faded and his eyes widened. It was a breathtaking sight. This was a simple moment, but the emotions going through his mind could fill volumes of books. He was half-willing to write them himself, for this girl infront of him._

" _T-That's enough… people will look." He couldn't believe it himself. He could feel his face warming. He was being reduced to this bashful highschool boy, the epitome of the rose-colored lens fool that he mocked for so long. And he was right; some teenage girls were making glances at them and whispering amongst each other. Nothing positive, he was certain._

" _Does that bother you? You should be flattered you know. Most men of your caliber only see this thing in television dramas or romance novels." Her words were sarcastic, but he knew they held an ulterior motive. They were filled with warmth. The girl who was cold, calculating, and always reserved still spoke down to him, but never to insult him anymore. He knew that they were gestures of her affection now._

" _It doesn't bother you?" He said the words slowly, thinking it a dangerous question._

 _His words brought a frown to her face._

" _No. It doesn't at the slightest. It's perfectly normal for young people to do such a thing." Hoh, he thought. What an un-Yukinoshita thing to say. Public displays of affection would be something she would have hated not even two years ago. This was the power of a non-single Yukinoshita!_

" _Besides, Hikigaya-kun. I'm sure that the average person can deduce that I have the character to be involved with a man such as yourself."_ _She grinned, taking full advantage of any opening she could have._

" _Yeah, yeah. Keep talking it up, you ideal-ojousama."_

 _He treasured this relationship beyond anything else in his life. He wasn't so certain he would ever dissolve his worldview, but he knew that he would lose all limbs and sanity for this girl. As corny and ridiculous as it sounded to him, he would die for her if it meant she would be safe and happy. Though, she had started to work on grinding out his idea that he wasn't worthwhile. He was "happy", even, that she thought he was worth valuing. They had met halfway with each other, that there was a succinct way to get results without having to use somebody as a scapegoat. Well, at least not either of them, as she had foxily put it._

" _Have you spoken with your family about our plans for the winter break?"_

" _I have. They were… well…"_

 _When he told his family that not only was he dating a girl, dating Yukinoshita Yukino, and that he wanted to spend winter break by bringing her home and spending some time with her…_

 _Komachi rocketed off the walls and into Jupiter. His mother cried in relief and his father pat his back with a look so approving that Hikigaya feared it would remain frozen that way into old age._

 _"They don't have any issues with it, so long as you don't mind sharing a room with Komachi."_

 _"Mm, I see. That's good. Yes. I have also spoke about it with mine, and they trust me enough."_

 _"Ah, so Yukinoshita Yukino has finally built up a good reputation with her parents?"_

 _"Actually, they trust nee-san to dig you a grave in Gibraltar if something goes wrong."_

 _!_

 _Well._

 _Alright then._

" _You don't have to look so afraid you know. It was only a half joke." Yukinoshita smiled coyly at him._

 _She fidgeted in her seat before speaking again. "And… I never thanked you,_ _Hikigaya-kun."_

" _Thank me? For what, exactly?"_

" _This was your idea, was it not? You had asked me to spend the winter break with you, moments after I said I would be staying home by myself. Were you even thinking when you offered?"_

 _Honestly speaking, he wasn't. He just wanted every opportunity to spend with her. Every damned moment of romantic nonsense that he had condemned for years. None of it mattered in comparison to the idea of being able to spend the duration of the winter break with her. At the comfort of his own house, even!_

" _Ah… well you don't have to thank me, really." His hand moved to rub the back of his scalp._

" _Hm! Who said I would thank you? I simply stated that I never thanked you in the first place!" Her comment brought smiles to both their faces. He could tell that the two of them would never get bored of each other, even if they were old and crusty seventy years from now._

 _He was fond of his dreams. Of being the house-husband to his beautiful, witty wife._

"Ah, Yukinoshita... r _emind me again, when are you coming back from this trip?" He knew the answer. She sent a text about it a week ago. He just wanted her to tell him anyway._

" _In four days. Nee-san's performance will be held in Rome, and my mother and father are already there. I will have to spend at least a few days with my family during the winter break, Hikigaya-kun."_

 _Right. Yukinoshita Haruno's great orchestral debut in Italy. Yet more proof of her prodigal-like talent and skill in... everything. From the looks of the webpage and venue, it looked worlds beyond the high-class that he had seen on television. Naturally, she would want the entire family to be there. He was tempted to call it boring and drab, but his girlfriend seemed legitimately delighted to go to Italy. He wouldn't trample on her excitement by bad-mouthing the trip._

 _That's the entire point of this train ride, come to think of it. He had helped carry her luggage and went to see her off at the airport._

" _You're quiet today. Quieter than usual, anyway. Is something wrong, Hikigaya-kun?"_

 _His silence only served in pulling her forward._

 _"...Will you miss me when I'm gone, Hikigaya-kun?"_

 _Obviously, she was only saying it to get a response from him. Too bad it worked every time._

" _It's just four days." He wouldn't give her all the satisfaction in the world._

 _She pouted, disappointed at the response._

"… _but you will call me at night?" He would, actually._

" _Of course. Every night, before you go to bed." She beamed up to him. He was starting to think that it was worth spoiling and feeding her every tiny desire._

 _They had enjoyed the remainder of the train ride in silence, and soon Hikigaya found himself pulling both carriages of luggage through the airport, in a vain attempt to show up infront of Yukinoshita. She didn't mind, of course. She got the benefit of not having to carry the weight and bask in the satisfaction that he would dedicate even something as small as this for her. He had never questioned her. If he ever called any girl or woman "stuck up" for taking advantage of chivalry that it seemed people were so eager to give, he made an exception for this one person._

 _They were standing at the gateway. Admittedly, Hikigaya was hoping it would take longer for them to find it, but the passengers were already starting to have their luggage checked and boarding the plane._

" _Hikigaya-kun, earlier… about thanking you."_

" _You don't have to thank me, like I said. I'm happy that you accepted." He still had his trouble admitting things like that openly, even still. She thought it was a sign of his ignorance and detachment to the world at first, now it was just charming._

" _No, that isn't right. I don't think you understand how much it means to me. Truly, I want you to understand that."_

 _The sudden shift in Yukinoshita's speech got his immediate and entire attention. He saw a flash of a determined look before she reverted back to her regular expression._

" _You… you said that your younger sister and parents wouldn't… be home for a weekend, is that correct?"_

" _Ah, right. They're taking Komachi out to Kobe to some relatives. They said they'd leave some money and groceries for us while they're gone."_

 _He knew she was going to say something when she took a deep breath as discretely as possible. Yukinoshita Yukino was preparing herself._

" _Then… if you don't mind…"_

 _She got close. Real close, so close that he could feel her chest against his and her breath was touching his ear and-_

" _I'd absolutely love to_ thank you _when we're by ourselves, Hikigaya-kun." She made extra effort to sound husky, so it came out forced and voided any practical attempt at seduction. Not that Hikigaya Hachiman noticed any of this. He was too busy having his brain process what she just said, and trying to stop his heart before it drummed out of his torso._

 _"NO! I don't mind really but I mean I guess if you want butImeanitskindofearlynotthatimsaying_ no _but-"_

 _She laughed at his expense, this one and occasional time. And how could she? They had just had their first date and kiss not even three months ago, and it ended up as complete disaster._

" _My, t_ _hat's actually really disturbing, Hikigaya-kun. Just what were you thinking of now? I feel that I should be afraid for my well-being, but I'm also feeling slightly apologetic. I think I just mislead you into the wrong idea." She gave him a wink that looked too much alike her older sister. Yukinoshita Yukino, why were you also born with the "Playful" trait from your family?!_

 _A subtle cough behind them took them out of their reverie. Yukinoshita was next in line to pass through the gateway._

" _Go on ahead; I'll put your things through."_

 _She nodded, going through the security check as a female attendant began patting her down. Hikigaya lifted the admittedly really heavy luggage bags onto the belt, though he couldn't really complain as his mind was still racing from earlier._

 _And then, the moment he had wished wouldn't come was approaching. Yukinoshita was cleared for the flight and was beginning to pick up her luggage. He wanted to help her bring it on the plane, really, but a pane of glass was between them at this point. He waved to her, a subtle good-bye smile on his face. He was anxious for her to come back, even just seconds after she was leaving._

 _Yukinoshita waved back, but stopped suddenly. She turned to the security guard closest to her, mouthing words that he couldn't read. The guard looked to him, then back to her and nodded his head. She soon briskly jogged out of the gateway, and embraced him._

" _Goodbye, Hikigaya-kun. I'll call you when I land."_

 _She placed her hands around his head, meeting his lips with her own. The kiss was different than the others. They both agreed that physical gestures of affection weren't necessary from either party, so they seldom kissed. This time, however, he was certain she wasn't reserving any effort._

 _The separated after a few seconds, faces flushed. They were ignoring the smiling looks of the people around then, only paying attention to the other._

" _Enjoy yourself, Yukinoshita. Tell Haruno I said hello."_

"… _Yukino." Her eyes pierced into him._

" _Hm?"_

" _I want you to call me Yukino, when I come back. I want you to start calling me Yukino, and… I'll call you Hachiman. If that's acceptable with you of course." She looked down, unable to meet his eyes when she asked this of him as if it were difficult._

 _Why should it be difficult?_

" _Okay. Then, enjoy yourself, Yukino." He said it clearly, without hesitation. Nice! There would definitely be an affection points bonus for that one!_

 _She beamed up at him, and with one final embrace, walked back into the gateway and soon away from his sight._

 _Hikigaya Hachiman exhaled deeply. He had planned on spending the next four days playing some MMO Zaimokuza had recommended, but had a feeling it wouldn't occupy his mind deeply enough. Four days was not a long duration by any means. He could probably eat and sleep consecutively for four days if he wanted._

 _Even so, it felt too long for him._

 _With that final thought, Hikigaya started off for home with his girlfriend in his thoughts._

* * *

He was disillusioned in himself. He had no issue writing and mouthing off to anyone that would bother to listen to him before about how youth was a sham. Love and affection was only given to those with innate talent or charm with them. People without it weren't meant for things of the sort.

If anything, Hikigaya Hachiman was convinced that he was even further detached from the world. He had seen the joy, felt the warmth of somebody's affection that wasn't just the goodwill of his parents or Komachi. He wasn't void of happiness, but he certainly didn't expect it from other people. His cynical view was being shattered daily.

For it to stop so abruptly, after Hikigaya was more than willing to foolishly tear down his walls as if the American president Ronald Reagan had addressed him to; he knew he had been right from the beginning.

"Yukinoshita, if I could say anything…"

Yet here he was again.

Back at the point where he ended up every night.

* * *

 _His phone read off at 05:56. Nearly six in the morning. According to his ever-reliable sidekick, his smartphone, it would be approaching 11 in the evening in Italy._

 _It had been hours after Yukinoshita's flight landed. He had considered for a moment that there was a delay in flight, though he was certain she would text him when she knew. Alternatively, maybe an issue with luggage on arrival? Or maybe she was so busy with her family that she lost track of time or had forgotten to call._

 _Though he knew better, Yukinoshita wasn't the kind to forget to call. And certainly would make time in between family matters to give him a quick phone call, usually. Though disappointed at the lack of a phone call, even upset since he had stayed up all night to receive it, he left it that she was exceptionally busy._

 _His phone lit up, and he leapt across his floor and bed to get it off his desk. Unfortunately for him and his now probably bruising knees, it was only some social media notification._

 _Funny, since he was certain he turned it off. Even funnier since he never followed this particular account. Hilarious even, since he doesn't even_ have _an account on this service to begin with._

 **SXC_ITAORC** – **"We are sorry to announce that due to an unexpected emergency with staff, Saturday's concert held by the Japanese orchestra from Chiba has been cancelled." 1m ago**

" _Huh?"_

 _Cancelled? As far as he could remember, this venue was reserved months in advance, from what Yukinoshita told him. Even if some of the instrumentals were removed, they would be able to find replacements fairly easily._

 _He held back on calling Yukino for the entire night. There were no such things as patient people. Only those who were impatient and those who had more tolerance. But at this news, he was curious. Hikigaya immediately dialed the most common contact on his phone._

 _It didn't even ring, it went straight to voicemail. She changed her greeting, he noticed. She definitely tried to make it sound more friendly; probably at Yuigahama's request._

" _Ah, Yukinoshita. I just read about the concert having been cancelled. Give me a call back when you can."_

…

 _Not even a dozen minutes after he left the voicemail, he looked through his contacts to find the one person he was vehemently advised by his girlfriend NOT to contact. After a few dial tones longer than he expected, the line picked up._

" _This is Yukinoshita." The voice was hollow. He heard this before. It sounded like his own, years ago. In the eye of the storm in his "awakening" of thinking that the world wasn't as good as it was painted. Except this voice didn't… no, shouldn't belong to her so easily._

" _It's Hikigaya. Sorry I'm calling so late."_

"…"

"…"

 _He was expecting every introduction and verbal stab from Yukinoshita Haruno the moment he called her. She said absolutely nothing. He couldn't even hear slight movements or the background. It was dead quiet._

 _"...I saw the announcement made by that Orchestra account. Did something happen? I don't-"_

" _Hikigaya-kun… you weren't made aware..?" It sounded more like a realization than a question._

 _Before he could ask, the call had disconnected. More appropriately, ended. She hung up on him._

 _What was going on? How was it this hard to get an answer from somebody?_

* * *

"If… there was one thing I could say."

His chest started beating harder. He started to feel light headed, and vision was blurring. He hated it. All of it. If suited men in black came in and erased his memory, he would leap at the opportunity.

Almost once every week, this happened. He was pathetic. He would let _that_ moment define his entire life.

* * *

 _It was approaching 8:00. His parents and Komachi were awake, and preparing breakfast. The first day of winter break seemed restless, since Komachi would be home for the day._

 _The droning of the television downstairs didn't help his curiosity. His father often watched some of the most politically charged channels available on the air. Though it seemed like it was talking about some incident. Probably another traffic incident or suicide in the city._

 _A shriek came from Komachi, along with a sharp gasp from his mother. He could hear his father muttering under his breath._

 _He started walking down as he heard it. Komachi would react to anything, but his mother wasn't one to react to television, especially the news of all things._

" _What's going on? Why are you all around-"_

" **PLANE DISASTER: ITALIAN FLIGHT FROM TOKYO DISRUPTED. SEARCH FOR SURVIVORS IN PROGRESS"**

…

…

…

 _What is this?_

 _He couldn't see his family come around him; he couldn't hear his father telling him to sit down, or his mother trying to give him hope, or Komachi switching from looking at him, looking to the TV, and starting to weep and sob._

 _He had trouble remembering that day, or that week for that matter. He briefly recalled the news worsening throughout the day, the hope for any miscommunication in news being discarded as more information came about._

 _He remembered the phone call he got from Yuigahama that day. He didn't pick up, and she left a voicemail. She sounded desperate. She was asking him where he was, but tried her best not to sound hectic in case he wasn't aware yet. She called to let him know she was coming over for an "emergency"._

 _When she arrived, he couldn't figure what to say or even what she was saying. He felt her cry against his chest, softly pounding against his shoulder with her small hands, while his family did nothing but remain quiet. After a while she started to get louder. She was complaining to him, about why it had to happen. He had no response to her, or anyone else for that matter. Yuigahama was losing herself next to him and he didn't even say hello when she came in hours ago._

 _In the days to come, he would have seen the grief of everybody else had he not been absorbed with his own. The cries of Komachi and Yuigahama on the way to the funeral. The silent tears of Hiratsuka-sensei as she refused to stay away from his side, incase he had broken down. Her two parents, mother especially, had weeped the most. It took her husband and another relative to pry her away from the casket before they could bury it. Even Yukinoshita Haruno, whose eyes had dulled and face red from the tears that came out of her. She never made a noise; she stared at the casket for so long and so intensely as though her younger sister would come back to life if she did so._

 _Hikigaya Hachiman noticed none of this. The entire time, he was only thinking of her. He had wanted to tell her something so badly. He desperately wanted her to listen to him again._

* * *

He was a fool. "Nincompoop" was a compliment to him, if Komachi had ever said anything truly hurtful.

He laughed to himself, amidst tears forming in his eyes. "Youth" was an illusion, he had said. He wasn't sure if his words were right or if this was the world's way of mocking the contradiction he had briefly lived. If there was a Creator, they were bent on giving him nothing, and taking away whatever he thought he wanted.

He was better off not falling in love with Yukinoshita Yukino. He wishes for it, more than anything. He had wished that he hadn't told Yukinoshita and Yuigahama his feelings that day. He had wished that Hiratsuka-sensei had never even forced him into that _damned_ Service Club to sate her own desire of making students "better people," though he couldn't begin to resent her for it, but he certainly tried for a long time.

Being right wasn't comforting to him. He never argued for the sake of being a winner. He never fought his way to be a winner to begin with. He was perfectly content with what he had, and never asked or thought about asking for more than what he got.

He took a deep breath, staring back into the photograph.

He wasn't going to make it, if he kept on like this.

To hell with his studies or employment; he knew that throwing himself off of a roof would be an option that would cross his mind if he kept himself locked in this. It terrified him that the thought had even reached his mind. He wasn't weak. He wasn't vulnerable. He desperately told himself that he was not suicidal.

"Yukino."

He said it to nobody in particular. Not even to a Yukinoshita Yukino who might be looking over him in the afterlife she believed in. He just wanted to say her name. The name she told him to say when she would come back.

No, she won't come back. Thus, she was still Yukinoshita.

He was tempted to place the photo down against its face, so that their faces weren't staring back at him. He appreciated Komachi's attempt to motivate him through nostalgia. Unfortunately all it did was torment him.

But he was too cowardly to toss the photo into the bin. Despite his wishes to forget everything, he didn't want to forget anything. He didn't want to relinquish anything. In his fit of indecisiveness, he got up from his bed and wiped his eyes. He would have to get up in a few hours anyway; he may as well not go to sleep and shower now.

He hoped that the hot water on a hot summer morning would be the farthest thing from that cold day when she left.

.

.

.

 **What a ridiculously dumb amount of words for a prologue.** **(´** **ー** **`)**

 **I'm pretty excited to start the first chapter. I'm motivated to not leave this as a concept drabble!**

 **It's fairly clear as I'm going through it, but I eluded finding a beta again. I have "prologue" excuse(?), but maybe if I get more invested than I think I'll be, I'll have to hunt down for one ;_;**

 **The pairings are a giveaway to what I want to head towards, in terms of characters.**

 **Thanks for making it this far.**

1\. Chiba Daigaku, or Chiba University.

2\. "It can't be helped." - A fairly common saying.

EDIT: Although judging by how many grammatical errors and NAME (Thank you for pointing it out) errors I've made, maybe a beta ought to be the first thing I should look for. Also, minute edits have been made to clear up some wording or consistency issues.


	2. Instructor Hikigaya's Smartphone

_**Disclaimer:**_ **Oregairu doesn't belong to me, all rights reserved to Wataru Watari.**

 **I've taken an exceptional amount of imaginative liberty when writing this; so if there's anything that seems factually off, please let me know, so I can embarrassingly and discretely edit the chapter(s).**

 **Instructor Hikigaya's Smartphone**

"Hyah! You were already here?! How early can someone get up? Aren't you a _college_ student? You should be sleeping in until an hour in your first class!"

Hiratsuka Shizuka's entrance into the family restaurant was anything but subtle. She practically charged past the waitress who greeted her the moment she saw him.

"I've been a _graduate_ student for two years. And I'm teaching my first class today at nine; didn't I already tell you?"

Truth be told, Hikigaya was amazed. It had been a year of avoiding contact with Hiratsuka-sensei, but she looked and acted the same as she had when she was his teacher. In fact, the longer he looked at her, the more he was convinced this was Hiratsuka Shizuka's secret younger sister. How old is she? She should be at least thirty years old, defin- Wait, thirty?! Women in their twenties wish they looked as good as this thirty plus-year old woman!

"Hey, keep looking at me like that and I'll scrape those eyes of yours clean with this fork."

It was definitely the same Hiratsuka-sensei.

She sat across from him, straightening her suit jacket and putting one of the toothpicks from the side into her mouth. Quitting cigarettes must really suck as much as those gum advertisements say.

"Still, I'm somewhat surprised by you, Hikigaya. Why teach, even if only as a graduate student?"

Wasn't it obvious? "I'm independent now. The bills don't pay themselves, and the last job really sucked."

Hiratsuka gnawed on her toothpick a little rougher. "That isn't what I mean. I'm asking why _teaching_. You could opt for research or field work for your requirement towards the university."

Certainly, what she was saying is true. However, Hikigaya found research in literature, philosophy, or any other instance of liberal arts higher education to ultimately be pointless. The greatest things were written years ago; the greatest things of the future have yet to be written. Hikigaya was knowledged, but he was certain he wasn't going to be the next Dickens. Field work was even worse, since that meant he would often be forced to visit neighboring universities, which just saturated him in having to interact with other people. He learned early on that there was nothing more annoying or infuriating than the rampant competition in academia.

"I'm not lecturing some introductory class, you know. I know the instructor, the material is interesting to me, and any student who made it this far into the program clearly has at least some ounce of caring or potential. They don't have to like me. I get paid by going over material they should already be preparing for."

Hiratsuka gave him a wry smile mixed with pride that said "You really are young and clueless, aren't you?" It was an all-knowing look that annoyed her former student.

"Mm. If you say so. I guess you're right." With that expression on her face, her words were pretty much lies right to his face. She was just saying it in hopes that they would drop the conversation. Hiratsuka seldom ever chastised him or "guided" him as heavily as she did in the past. He couldn't deduce why, but he angrily assumed it was pity.

A waitress had come by and taken their orders. The two sipped their drinks while one of them pondered on what to say next, and the other was hoping his teacher called him out to this place for an actual reason.

It took the high school teacher a minute before she continued.

"When was the last time you went home, Hikigaya?"

Hikigaya clenched his jaw. He _really_ wasn't up to Twenty Questions with Hiratsuka-sensei. He considered telling her that he just came from out of his apartment, but knew that wasn't the answer was wanted.

"Two years to-" A scoff came out from the other side of the table. He ignored it for now. "I just went over to pick up some stuff, that's all."

"Komachi is worried about you. 'said you didn't pick up the phone or reply to her messages anymore."

He felt her eyes peering directly into him. He knew before arriving that this meeting would be more of an interrogation than breakfast. Hiratsuka-sensei was incapable of the stealth, and he had never known her to be liar. She didn't wear her heart on her sleeve, but it didn't take much for someone to see it.

Moreso than anyone else, he was grateful to Hiratsuka-sensei following his hazardous third year of high school. In the five years since; Hiratsuka-sensei never directly brought up the past. When his grades plummeted down into the concrete, she called him into her office and sat him down. He expected her to scold him, tell him that time heals all wounds, violently shake him and cry in front of him, telling how much she was sorry for everything, that the world wasn't fair for what had happened, and that it was a lesson she hoped he would never have to learn. He wasn't being arrogant, and he certainly didn't expect somebody's empathy: the looks she gave him told him enough.

Instead, Hiratsuka-sensei always calmly asked him if there was anything she could help him with. Probably not the words a teacher should be saying to a student who was becoming truant, but he never considered their relationship as standard teacher-student in the first place. She wasn't like the others, who had avoided him out of pity or tailed him constantly out of concern.

Now, when he thinks of his friends and family, he feels guilty. Yuigahama had stopped sitting with her clique, and spent her free time in school with him, either through lunch or even the minutes of transition between classes. To his surprise, her friends didn't say anything, and didn't ostracize her for it. He supposed that was the most respect he had ever gotten from his peers. Obviously, they had both stopped attending the Service Club. It hurt too much when they went the last time, without their third sitting at the end of the table.

"Hikigaya?" He whipped his head up, having momentarily forgotten where he was, and why he was her

"… You don't understand. When you respond to that member of the Hikigaya family's message… it's like holding a palmful of ground beef to a leopard." He wasn't lying, either. He occasionally replied to Komachi, but it was only when she had bombarded his inbox with dozens of messages in the span of a few minutes. "I still talk with her. My parents, too, sometimes."

Hiratsuka-sensei gave him a relieved and warm smile. "I'm glad the relationship with that sister of yours hasn't changed."

Their food arrived shortly after, cutting off the awkward yet peaceful silence between the two. They ate quietly and quickly. Words weren't necessary between the two during a meal. He hadn't eaten dinner last night, so the meal probably wasn't as good as it tasted to him. Hiratsuka-sensei didn't mind that he wolfed down his food either; neither had patience for table manners.

Before he could even think to ask for the check, their waitress came by and gave Hiratsuka-sensei the receipt. When did this happen?

"How did you…?" He had to admit, Hiratsuka-sensei looked super cool right now. Though, judging by the look on her face from his reaction, maybe he was lending her too much credit.

"It's awesome, huh? I learned it from the internet and all of the younger teachers at Sobu have the same reaction! If you want, I can teach it to you someday!" Her giddiness quickly ran over whatever image of a cool, suave teacher that he had moments earlier.

Actually, that trick should be reserved for dates only, shouldn't it? And isn't it more proper for the guy to show off?

"…So you've only been eating with your kōhai then."

"GEH-?!"

Ah… so that was it. She was still-

"SO WHAT? HUH? It's normal for a veteran teacher to treat her juniors out every so often! Who CARES if men in my generation don't have the decency to dazzle me anymore! I'm better off as a hermit, in fact! Better off living free instead of wanting someone shackle me in marriage past my due date and-"

Madly single and angry about it. She really didn't look like she was in her early thirties, though. Hiratsuka-sensei had the heart of a doting older sister and he knew it would never change. Time and aging and done little to her attractiveness.

"-so whatever, right?! I mean who could blame-"

"Hiratsuka-sensei. Let me take you out to dinner sometime." He had said it partially so that she wouldn't make more of a scene than she already had. The other patrons and waitresses were looking concerned, and the amount of stares their table got was steadily increasing.

"Eh?" Hiratsuka-sensei immediately stopped rambling, a look of surprise on her face.

Hikigaya grimaced at his suddenness. Gratitude should just be left as gratitude. Even so, he couldn't bring himself to go back on it.

"You've been treating me out for a while now, and I'm not your student anymore. Let me return the favor."

He foolishly thought that it would redeem his evasion of everyone claiming they cared about him. It would be a start, at the very least.

"A-Ah, no. That's- if you want to have dinner, I'll pay. I mean, you're still a college student, right? Gotta manage that paycheck-to-paycheck budget and all." Hiratsuka-sensei looked surprised, with her hands up and a small blush forming. "Anyway, if you really don't see us as teacher and student anymore, why don't you drop the 'sensei'? Although, I'd honestly prefer it if you didn't come around and start calling me by Shizuka like Yukinosh-"

Upon hearing it, Hikigaya Hachiman closed his eyes. Well, it was inadvertent. And she had spent years avoiding mentioning even the family, much less _her_.

" _Haruno_. I meant _Haru_ -" She frantically tried to correct her mistake, only realizing that saying the name would only make it worse.

"It's fine, Hiratsuka-sensei." He held up his hands and tried to shoo the mentioning of the name away. "The farthest I am from that woman as a person, the better I am. And I'd rather keep 'sensei' anyway. It doesn't feel right to call you anything else."

He was happy that she had the good sense to smile, agree, and not say "I'm sorry." He was tired of everyone tiptoeing around him, like he was an IED ready to go off. He couldn't get _her_ off his mind when he was alone, so he'd especially rather not have to brood over when he was outside.

The two left the family restaurant, and the summer heat blasted onto him. It was easily over 35 degrees today. He hoped his assigned classroom would have a working AC unit, or else he'd easily lose a kilogram of weight in sweat.

"The class is soon, right? Chibadai is on the way home for me, so I'll drop you off." Hiratsuka-sensei twirled her keys around her finger, opening the passenger door of her overly sporty and brand new car.

Normally he'd comment about how a woman of her age, a teacher at that, shouldn't have fancy looking cars as their hobby. But in this heat, all he could do was shuffle into the car and put Hiratsuka Shizuka's "Generous People of the World" ranking at an even higher place.

He watched signs and buildings pass by while he was being driven, idly thinking about the lesson plan he had prepared weeks in advance. He wasn't nervous, but he was ordered by his advising professor to make as good of an impression as he could on his first day of teaching. Not necessarily for the students sake, but so that there would be no complaints to tenured faculty.

"Hikigaya, you'll do fine today. Just don't ram your ridiculous ideals into the brains of the students, and you'll be great at teaching. Yuigahama's post-tutoring grades in Japanese are testament to that."

It was mostly _her_ that taught Yuigahama, really.

"You don't have to worry about me." He saw Hiratsuka-sensei smile from the corner of his eye, as though she had predicted the entire conversation.

"Telling a teacher not to worry about her students, former or current, is an absolute waste of your breath."

He appreciated the sentiment, but hoped that the students he was instructing would never expect the same from him. They weren't even that much younger than him, but would they actually still believe that everybody teaching body in academia cares as much as a primary or secondary school teacher?

He started to think that maybe she was right about research after all.

"The term in Sobu starts soon, so… let's meet up again before it happens, while I still have the time. I… I'll take you up on that offer you made to me earlier."

"Alright. Next week, then."

She nodded in response. "And… Hikigaya? Thank you, for today. For coming today, I mean. I really wanted to-"

She held her breath, carefully choosing her words.

"…it's been such a long time, that it's nice to see you again is all."

Hikigaya hummed back in agreement, saying nothing. She was always mindful. Perhaps that was a perk of her being an adult; she wasn't careless enough to bluntly put out what she always wanted to say.

"And one last thing, Hikigaya. Call home every once in a while. And Yuigahama too. I think you'll be surprised by how much she's grown. She… said you two haven't been acquainted in a long time."

Yuigahama… In truth, Hikigaya, despite his guilt about not having spoken to her since highschool graduation, didn't want to see or talk to her. There would be a flaming, screaming, metal-alien mammoth in the room if they met up. _She_ would definitely be the first thing on either of their minds.

"Maybe when there's time, I guess."

Hiratsuka-sensei sighed, and left it at that. She couldn't ask him for any more.

She drove the rest of the way silent, only speaking again when they said their goodbyes in the university campus.

* * *

He had been talking out of some _other_ hole when he told himself he wasn't nervous. For years, Hikigaya Hachiman had no care for what other people thought of him, but the thought of his status as a _working_ graduate student being on the line from some over-zealous student with a father deeply connected to the university made him anxious. He would follow Hiratsuka-sensei's advice to the line: _"If you don't think they'll approve of you as a person, then lie to them as their instructor. Lie like you've never lied before, and make them believe you're somebody else."_

He was out of his depth. Even if the attention he was getting was for an entirely different reason, the anxiety of screwing up may come back. He had become adept at putting himself into situations where he wouldn't have to encounter it. Now, he was all but backed into a corner of opportunities to make a fool out of himself.

He checked his watch before entering the medium-sized classroom. He was early by ten minutes, but judging from the noise and shuffling of bags, he could tell a good amount of the seats and desks were occupied. Taking a moment to adjust his tie (which he would be so happy to take off after today's classes), he briskly opened the door and walked in.

The first thing that Hikigaya Hachiman looked for and noticed in a university classroom were the groups of people. How many of the people were strangers to each other? How many of them were friends who decided to take the same class together? Which ones were prepared and which ones already had the texts purchased and readily available – those were the ones he would give the benefit to the doubt to.

It looked to be an average group. A fair split between those who were getting a free ride from their parents, and the ones who were slightly more responsible. He's seen the girl sitting in the front before, in several photographs with Komachi from Sobu. She looked to be a couple years younger than his sister. Looking towards the rest of the scattered desks, he could already tell that the group of several girls in the back were in the former category; he hoped they wouldn't give him trouble for the term.

The moment he placed his on the front table and a notebook on the podium, the chatter in the classroom had choked and ceased. It was easier than he thought, once they knew he wasn't just another student. He was starting to become elated to the _absolute power_ that it gave him, and it washed away his worries.

Once again, Hiratsuka-sensei was right. He was starting to wonder if she was an oracle.

"Ah… r-right. We'll start early since it looks like the room is getting full." He surprised himself with the tone of his voice. It wasn't bogged down or mumbled to a group of people. Having every solid reason for him to speak was enough for him to do so. Perhaps the middle-schooler in him who dreamed of leading armies of olde was still alive.

Chalk in hand, he started to write.

"I'm Hikigaya Hachiman. I'm one of the few teaching assistants you'll have for the duration of the class. If you have any questions outside of class, you can contact me through the mailing address on the board."

In essence, he was basically emulating every teaching assistant he had as an undergraduate.

"The focus of this Contemporary Literature course is the Shōwa period. We'll be starting from the 1920s, focusing on how the writing changes in tandem with history."

Inevitably he started to wonder what _she_ would think of him at this moment, lecturing in a classroom. Would she have been indifferent? Concerned for the students? For him? Would she even be a little proud?

He caught his prolonged pause early, and hopefully before any of the students noticed. He didn't need them making assumptions about him from the first day. He had all day after this to sulk to himself, after all.

"Since there hasn't been a lecture held by the professor of the class yet, we'll be going over-…"

This would, at very least, serve as a good enough distraction to take time off his hands. The mini-lectures would each last for ninety minutes. Preparing the lectures, grading, and proctoring any exams would take a good amount of time as well.

He didn't waste time in going over unnecessary details before the first lecture had even started. He did his best to go through the syllabus as quickly as possible so he could reserve the time for the actual material. Hiratsuka-sensei and a few classmates he had been unfortunately paired up with in the past told him that he had an aptitude for explaining even the most complex themes in a simple manner, if he wanted. He was largely relying on reassuring fact today.

He lost track of time, and the shuffling of bags mid-speech told him that class would be over soon. He knew the sound and feeling too well, students often pre-emptively packing their things so they could rush out at moment's notice.

"One last thing, before you all leave. The professor has already assigned readings to be done before the first lecture. You can find the assigned readings on the syllabus for every class period."

There weren't any outward groans, but the looks of disappointment and whispers were to be expected.

…

Well, maybe this once, he would be kind to them. Kind to them where no other teaching assistant had been to himself.

"…From personal experience, the professor loves to have surprise quizzes on his first lecture. So take my advice and start early." He was expecting looks of relief when he said that. He practically told them how to score free points in the class. Why did they look even _more_ pissed off at him?!

He took a short breath, before dismissing the class. It's not his problem anymore, he thought.

" _Eugh… how disappointing. He could be hot in that nerdy, teacher way if it weren't for those eyes of his. He just looks kind of like a creep, doesn't he?"_ It was one of the girls near the back. At least walk further away if you're going to badmouth your instructor on the first day!

" _Yeah, and to assign homework on the first day? Before we even met the professor? Are they serious?"_

Hikigaya stopped packing his things, chewing on his bottom lip. He couldn't really do anything about his eyes, sure. Whatever flattery he would have gotten for "potentially" being attractive was gone. Their words were no different than any others he heard throughout his education. The only difference is that he wasn't their peer. It was less menacing that way, but still irked him.

People haven't changed. The only things that ever change are his momentary lapses of sound judgment. Why should he expect any different, now that he's in a new position?

" _Don't forget the quiz. Did you see his face when he told us? He almost looked like he was happy to give us more work. What a condescending jerk!"_

He let out a puff of air. He wasn't _happy_ to give them work. He was smirking because he thought he was doing them a favor. If they weren't happy with it, they could skip it all and drop out of the class.

" _Excuse me, but how can any of you complain? He lectured fine, and he only said things that would be useful for us. You can't honestly expect him to be happy that you have homework, can you?"_

It was the girl from Sobu. After a few seconds of stunned silence, she walked away leaving the group in a stupor. The group of three girls scurried away, he could hear the whispers of "bitch" faintly.

"Ah. Well, maybe I am a _little_ glad that they have work to do, now." He said it to the walls of the room.

So maybe there were a few exceptions, like him.

* * *

A bag was tossed to the floor, and Hikigaya's sweating body landed on his mattress. The temperature hadn't gone the entire day, so the walk, bus ride, and then even longer walk was miserable.

He had gone through three consecutive lectures of the class. Since the class size of the main lecture was so large, they had to split the separate meetings into multiple groups so that the small staff of teaching assistants could work closer to the students. Unfortunately for him, he found out too late that they had scheduled to teach all of his sections in the same day, back to back, rather than have it spread out nicely.

He groaned when he realized that his _own_ classes would start next week. He hadn't even bothered to save the schedule on his phone. Lazily taking it out of his pocket, he began to punch in his schedule for the next half-year.

 **\- How was your first day of teaching? did you break down? scare away any girls? ACQUIRE AN ADMIRER?!**

Annoyed, he swatted the notification from his sister away. She probably found out from Hiratsuka-sensei, though he didn't blame his teacher. It was infinitely easier to give Komachi what she wanted than to deny it from her.

" _And one last thing, Hikigaya. Call home every once in a while."_ Hiratsuka-sensei's request came back to him. He spoke to his parents a few months ago. Komachi just two weeks. It's fine for now.

" _And Yuigahama too."_

He hesitated to scroll down to his list of contacts on his smartphone. When his family sent the newest model phone to him as a birthday gift a couple of years ago, he was tempted to not put her number on his phone. He had no desire to go out of his way to keep on contact with Yuigahama Yui.

"Does she even have the same number?"

His finger hovered over her name. What would he even say? "Hello, it's Hikigaya. Sorry it's been four years, but our teacher told me I should call you so I am."

He scoffed. Even he had enough sense to know that nobody, especially a girl with feelings so volatile and reactive as Yuigahama's, would ever want to hear that. It would either be extremely awkward, or upsetting. He wouldn't blame her if she started to resent him for avoiding her phone calls and text messages for two whole years after they graduated. He would be the same way.

Hikigaya switched the screen off and tossed the phone to the side of his bed.

She was his friend. The only person he could ever call his friend. He never had more than two friends in his entire life from middle school to high school. No one that he considered friends to him, anyway. He didn't fully understand her fondness of him, past saving her dog. He only got it during his third year, when Yuigahama tearfully congratulated the two of them when _she_ told her about the relationship.

The two events happened so quickly, Hikigaya was sure he was on some live show, being pranked. He recalled being tense when it happened. _She_ was the one who was capable of handling it so well. _She_ had the good sense of knowing and caring enough for Yuigahama's sake.

.

.

" _E-Eh? You mean…"_

 _Yuigahama's reaction wasn't what he thought it would be. Her hands were clutching her chest, and she looked as though someone was about to break a vase over her head. He looked to the girl by his side, and the expression on her face told him that she had fully expected it._

" _Yes. Hikigaya-kun and I are… we are in a relationship, together." The look on Yukinoshita's face was distinctly sorrowful, as though if she were telling a young child that their pet had passed away while they were sleeping._ _At the same time, she looked resolved. It was something she was certain she had to do, eventually._

 _What followed was the kingpin of all awkward silences that Hikigaya Hachiman ever had the misfortune to experience. At some point, Yukinoshita gingerly wrapped her hand around her own, but didn't say anything and instead was still looking at Yuigahama, who was trying her best to smile. The peach-haired girl infront of them was looking at the ground, with all of her effort trying not to peep or choke. Hikigaya knew that the immediate tears weren't congratulatory._

" _C-con… congratulations! To Yukinon and Hikki! It's so great that you two-"_

 _He felt her hand leave his, and a trail of black hair glided away from him. He heard Yuigahama yelp; Yukinoshita had rushed up to embrace her. Yuigahama's attempts to pull out of the hug was weak, so it didn't take much for Yukinoshita to keep her there._

" _This… this doesn't change anything between us three. Do you understand, Yuigahama-san?"_

" _H-huh?"_

" _Me, and him. Both of us will still be here. We won't ever leave you behind, because of this."_

" _O-Oh, that wasn't- of course! I just thought that you both would want some space and… were going to come around less, and…"_

" _We'll come here every day, like always. Won't we, Hikigaya-kun?" Yukinoshita shot him a venomous glare. 'Say yes or you'll regret it.'_

 _Yukinoshita Yukino had, with one action, almost completely resolved this issue on her own. Yuigahama's feelings towards him, the impending heartbreak and anxiety over losing her two friends she would have to go through, they were all things he had been dreading to tackle. He knew how important it was to Yuigahama, but Yukipedia apparently had a page explaining how to solve this issue as well._

 _Taking steps over to the two, Hikigaya sighed in resolution. It was all him now._

" _Hiratsuka-sensei would probably snap me in two, if I stopped coming here, you know?" He walked up to Yuigahama, looking deep into her widening, tearful eyes._

" _Anyway, even if I wanted to leave, it wouldn't really be my decision. She-" Hikigaya thumbed towards Yukinoshita, "would almost certainly kidnap me in chains, and force me to sit here if that's what it took. I'm stuck here."_

 _He held a genuine smile on his face, a result of the combined emotions of relief and what he learned was called "joy". Hikigaya Hachiman didn't want things to change so suddenly, especially not for the worse. This wasn't equivalent exchange, the laws of alchemy_ _[1]_ _don't exist in the real world. He would take absolutely everything and give nothing._

" _It'll work fine, and stay the same way as it's always been. Yukipedia here and I are far from regular, dumb people. I am, at the very least, so don't worry. We aren't going to end up like every other couple you see." It was a promise to both Yuigahama and Yukinoshita, he realized. He swore at that moment that he would keep his word on it._

" _Ehehe, that's true… Hikki is super weird, isn't he?" His smile was lost on him. He just made that disgustingly warm statement so shamelessly, and she just uses it to mock him?_

" _Honestly, Yuigahama-san, I'm not sure what I see in him. To think that I'd find any attractive quality in somebody so…_ obtuse. _"_

 _You too, Yukinoshita? Shouldn't you be defending your beloved boyfriend at all angles, obtuse or not?!_

" _Hm! He's absolutely hopeless, isn't he? I'm going to age at twice the rate, having to teach him how the world actually works, won't I, Yuigahama-san?"_

 _Admist the barrage of insults he was being pelted with, he saw Yuigahama giggling inside the arms of Yukinoshita. It would take time for her to accept it, he knew. But to see the smiles and laughter confirmed that he had nothing to worry about._

 _The three of them took their regular seats and drank their tea. Yukinoshita and Yuigahama were closer than usual and Yuigahama seemed to be delighted that her spot in the middle was still hers._

" _Yuigahama-san, what are your plans for the break before our third term?"_

" _Ah! Sorry Yukinon, but I'm actually leaving for Osaka for most of it."_

" _I see. Then we'll have to plan something else, then…"_

.

.

His finger was poised over Yuigahama Yui's name. If he called her now, she would probably actually be happy, right? After a moment like that, with all that the three of them had shared, there's no way she could actually hate him.

And then maybe, when they would be speaking, Yuigahama would laugh and call him Hikki like she always did. It's been such a long time since he heard it too. He had to admit, he might actually maybe miss like 1% of what it sounded like, so-

"Sh-shit!"

Hikigaya Hachiman tossed his phone against the floor, and saw it bounce away just a couple of meters from his bed. His breathing became labored, and the sweat that dried on his skin seemed to come down in spades again.

He was about to call Yuigahama, barge back into her life after saying nothing for four years, and trample all over whatever reservations and emotions she had, just so he could delude himself into thinking he was back there again, with the three of them. With _her_.

His head spun. He could feel the small sandwich he ate for lunch coming back the wrong way. His body seemed to lurch out for what he was about to do.

He was going to use the innocence and warmth of Yuigahama to comfort him.

"Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck-"

He wasn't a self-loathing person, he just always saw past the fake "intrinsic value" that people assigned each other. But Hikigaya Hachiman, in that moment, easily hated himself.

"It's not about deserving anything, is it?"

" _This doesn't change anything between us three. Do you understand, Yuigahama-san?"_

"Hah. Haha, I set myself up, really."

" _Ehehe, that's true… Hikki is super weird, isn't he?"_

"It… it's not tragic. That's just how it is."

" _Yuigahama-san, what are your plans for the break before our third term?"_

"So it's my problem, and-"

And what? It's something to get over? How well is that going?

" _Goodbye, Hikigaya-kun. I'll call you when I land."_

It's not going anywhere.

" _I want you to call me Yukino, when I come back."_

"Stop it. Stop thinking about it, Hikigaya Hachiman…!"

It wasn't much use, really. He was too afraid to even try to forget and move on. He probably had less than half of the resolve he used to have.

" _I want you to start calling me Yukino, and… I'll call you Hachiman."_

"Yukino…"

It was the last thing he said before exhaustion put him to sleep.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **This update came recently since I had originally plotted out the prologue and first chapter to be placed in together. I'm actually quite glad that I placed them separately, since it seemed like there's a good amount of symmetry between the two anyway. So, starting from this point, the story will actually move forward. I promise.**

 **There are some things I should shed some light on; so this will be a longer append than I would like.**

 **First off, it was my mistake if I made it ambiguous. Yukino has passed away. There won't be a deus ex machina plot twist. I'm convinced that I won't be writing her in at any point other than in a flashback sequence. I'm sorry if that disappoints anyone from the start; I'll have to leave that pairing to another time.**

 **Hikigaya (or the narration, at least) will contradict himself periodically. This is intentional and** _ **hopefully**_ **not the result of my goldfish attention span. The goal with Hikigaya is to make him at least somewhat of a believable damaged protagonist, often unsure of what he actually wants.**

 **I've taken a ridiculously large leap of faith in the time-skip, in terms of characterization. Hikigaya Hachiman, for better or worse, matured and even mellowed out in his depression for four years. Then again, Hikki was truly always a sensible person on the inside, wasn't he?** ヽ(´ー｀)ﾉ

 **Finally, I've bumped up the rating to M. I was hesitant to put it there from the start, but I already know that the contents of the story won't be anything but.**

 **I spent a _little_ bit more time proofreading this than before, but I'll most likely correct whatever mistakes I catch or come to my attention in the chapters anyway.**

 **lastly im not even going to pretend i know a thing about higher education in japan or Japanese literature, so im hopeless in that regard**

 **1\. Fullmetal Alchemist's "Equivalent Exchange"**


	3. An International Call

**_Disclaimer:_** **Oregairu doesn't belong to me, all rights reserved to Wataru Watari.**

 **I've taken an exceptional amount of imaginative liberty when writing this; so if there's anything that seems factually off, please let me know, so I can embarrassingly and discretely edit the chapter(s).**

 **An International Call**

A slender hand picked up the telephone from a hotel nightstand. Its owner's body was comfortably seated with her back against the wooden headboard.

It was 3:30 in the afternoon. Taking the seven-hour time difference into account, she figured it wouldn't be late enough in Japan to make a call.

Well, even if it was midnight, she would get away with it anyway. Probably.

With a satisfied humming, she dialed the number by memory and patiently waited as the line rang. Just as she thought, it only took two tones, despite it being an international call. The recipient was always dependable and reliable over the years.

" _Hello, this is Hiratsuka."_

"Hihi, Shizuka-chan! It's been a while, hasn't it?" Her voice was chipper and excitable, but the expression on her face remained calm. That was the nice thing about phone calls; sound was the only medium she had to put her mind towards. No point in showing off to invisible ghosts.

" _Oh, Haruno. I didn't expect you to be calling."_

"Well, of course I'd call! Who wouldn't call an old friend to let know they'll be returning home?"

" _Returning? You mean?"_

"Right! Tomorrow, in fact. The plane leaves from Berlin in… twelve hours to Moscow, and from there it'll be arriving into Tokyo by noon."

A yawn came from the other line. _"Berlin? …Ah, right. You've been in Germany. I'm forgetful these days."_

Haruno knew it was a white lie. Shizuka-chan just didn't really care enough to remember.

"That's right, I'm glad you remembered! My business here has finished, so there's no more reason for me to stay. Oh, am I calling you at a bad time? Were you resting?"

" _No, no, not at all. I had to stop to the teacher's office today, though. We're preparing for the summer term earlier than usual this year. The first returning day of class is pretty soon."_

She could hear the brief creaks of air popping out of Shizuka-chan's neck.

" _So, then, what's up? Need me to pick you up from the airport, or-?"_

"Haha, nope! I just wanted to say hello before I touch down." She grinned to herself. Shizuka-chan was as selfless as ever. "But really, Shizuka-chan? Immediately assuming that people call their friends just to ask for something? That's judgmental, you know… even to a former student. Especially to a former student!"

She heard her 'friend' exhale from the other line.

" _Only when you call."_

Well, she couldn't deny that. Otherwise she wouldn't be talking over the phone in the first place.

"Ahaha, you caught me. But it's nothing, really. I just wanted to know a few things about a certain somebody. That's all, I promise!"

" _Oh? It's not like you to go out and ask about a person. Who is it?"_

She placed one leg over her other, brushing off the lint from the bed's comforter.

"A mutual acquaintance of ours. A student of yours... well, he used to be anyway. A certain loner who had such a distasteful look in his eyes."

"…"

"Shizuka-chan? I'm talking about Hiki-"

" _What are you planning, Haruno?"_

Her eyes narrowed. Shizuka-chan really was far too nosey sometimes. She never made it an outward quality of hers, but making too many assumptions really isn't becoming of a teacher. Maybe that's why her history with men was so terrible.

"Well, it's been such a long time since I've been back to Chiba, much less Japan. There's nothing strange about dropping by and saying hello to an old junior from high school, is there?"

But she was a metaphorical Goliath in terms of 'noseyness' in comparison to Shizuka-chan. She couldn't help it, she always had to know something the moment it peaked her curiosity.

" _It's just… it's a little strange when_ he's _the first one you're looking for, after five years."_

A laugh erupted from her body, instinctually. She didn't really find any of it funny. Actually, she thought it was a little annoying for her 'friend' to be so defensive. She only did it to lighten up the tension that was forming.

"Haa, what's with that, Shizuka-chan? Suddenly so maternal! Are you afraid that seeing me will be an unwelcome sight for him? He's not actually the first thing on my mind, you know."

" _No offense, Haruno, but you're not exactly the first person he wants to see. Especially since… well…"_

Yukinoshita Haruno let out a puff of air in disappointment. She hadn't expected Shizuka-chan to have that hesitation when bringing up Yukino. Then again, Shizuka-chan always did play favorites. No matter how well she placed in class, or how flawless her transcript was, Shizuka-chan had never come close to giving her the same blessings she gave to Hikigaya-kun. Or her younger sister, for that matter.

It was agitating that she had to be lectured to and mentored by a woman like her.

"Ah, of course. It would be rather abrupt, wouldn't it? To show up in person after all this time. I'm sure he still thinks about Yukino-chan. That Hikigaya-kun was always such thoughtful person on the inside, wasn't he?"

" _Haruno…"_ There was clear warning in her voice. Had she overstepped her boundaries too quickly?

"Well, you're right, Shizuka-chan. And just to let you know, I was of course going to visit my parents as soon as I arrive in to Chiba. Family is first, after all!"

Yeah, family is first. Family was always the first _and only thing she was ever meant to do._

"Alright, okay. Maybe some other time, then. But, I mean… still, wouldn't it be a little cruel to stop by the area and not even acknowledge him? After all, with everything that we've been through together I-"

" _Stop it. Whatever you're thinking, just stop yourself while you're still ahead."_

Ah, there it was again. Shizuka's protective tone. She's used it many times, but not with this volume or anger.

It wasn't really that intimidating. Hiratsuka Shizuka didn't threaten her in the slightest.

"Shizuka-chan, you really ought to be a little bit more considerate. We aren't children anymore. There's nothing to worry yourself about, but here you are playing mother bear."

She ran her tongue between her lips, in preparation for the acidity of her taunt.

"Ah, I know! You should focus that energy you invest trying to baby all of your old students into finding a man! I'm sure getting yourself rammed into the stars will be _really_ refreshing for you. Better do it while you still can, you know!"

" _Tch! You..!"_ Everything from her attitude told her that Shizuka-chan was about to tell her to drop into hell.

She grinned, holding down the laughter. Same old, predicable, reactive Shizuka-chan.

" _Christ, you know what? They were right. Some colleagues of mine said you changed when Yukino passed away. That your respect and compassion died with her. 'said you became a different person."_

Immediately, her grin dissolved and her left eye twitched upon hearing the accusation.

" _I didn't want to believe it. I refused to even entertain the thought. And I gave them every ounce of myself to tell them off for it. I told them they had no right to say anything about you after what happened to Yukino that day. I told them that they had no idea what meant and what it did to the people who knew her."_

She heard the hint of a choke when Shizuka-chan took a breath before continuing. Was this so hard for her to say?

" _But I guess I was only half-right. Looks like the only parts of you that grew since then were the bitterness and malice I saw all those years ago."_

Yukinoshita Haruno clicked her teeth. She's heard enough of this conversation. No point in dragging it out.

"I see. I'm very sorry you feel that way, Shizuka." She dropped the '-chan', no longer needing to cutesy up her former teacher. "But aren't you demonizing me just a little preemptively? Are you really so defensive that you would say that kind of things so openly to your friends? I hardly think you're being fair to me right now."

"…"

"How about this then, Shizuka. You can tell him yourself! Oh, and I promise you from the bottom of my soul that I'm not interested in anything funny! I just want to know-"

Click! The only response was the buzzing of the empty line.

In slight disbelief, she blew a strand of hair out of her eyes.

"Goodness, no wonder she's still single." After all, what kind of men were attracted to the 'bitch' archetype?

Sitting upright and stretching her whole body upwards, Yukinoshita Haruno let out a whimper and sigh of relief. Taking out a tablet out of her bag, she began swiping through it.

It looks like she would be spending her first days in Chiba differently than she had hoped. Truthfully, she was torn between wanting to go home and ignoring the wishes of her parents. She missed Japan dearly, but had already begun to dread the formalities her family would certainly be putting her through as soon as she arrived.

After only a few minutes of idly reading the news, Haruno had already switched the device off. Her eyes found new interest in the rotating ceiling fan above her bed.

What Shizuka had said to her was distracting enough to disrupt her concentration every few seconds.

"You know, Shizuka-chan… you weren't right at all."

She lied into the mattress, head landing into the pillow with a soft 'ploof'. Her hand started to play with the ends of her grown-out hair.

"The only thing that changed about me was my level of patience."

Her eyes started to water. Subconsciously, Yukinoshita Haruno cried at the terrible things she had said. Her desperation had almost certainly caused irreparable damage to the friendship between the two.

The expression on her face didn't change though, even with the tears running down her temples. It was still the blank look that she wore in private.

"…I've been this bitter and hateful since I was born. I just didn't want to let you see."

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **I'm really sorry for this short chapter, but I felt that it was a good bridge before introducing Haruno into the story. Originally I was planning on putting this into the beginning of the next addition, but I've been exceptionally busier since finishing up what I've already put out.**

 **For reference, I finished the previous two submissions about last week, and only managed to get this done earlier this morning, so the amount of time I've had to actually write wasn't as much as I had wanted. But I've wanted to introduce and write in Haruno for so long now, that I couldn't help it. Consider this as a 'mini' chapter, or as my apology for what could be a delay in updates.**

 **I hope this is enough for now, since I don't foresee myself having too much time until a little while. Although depending on how hard Hurricane Joaquin throws everybody around, the exam I have may be cancelled altogether. I'm hoping we don't lose power either, else I'm going to have to think of other ways to occupy my time.**

 **Thanks for making it out this far again.**

 **On a side note, I've been keeping a file titled "haruno . txt" and writing in whatever I think she'll say or think later. Without context, it actually reads off as a super warped series of quotes that actually frightened me a little when I woke up this morning.** (((( ；ﾟДﾟ)))


	4. Housecall to Hikigaya

**_Disclaimer:_** **Oregairu doesn't belong to me, all rights reserved to Wataru Watari.**

 **I've taken an exceptional amount of imaginative liberty when writing this; so if there's anything that seems factually off, please let me know, so I can embarrassingly and discretely edit the chapter(s).**

 **Housecall to Hikigaya**

 _Thud thud!_

The insistent knocking had brought him to consciousness. Truthfully it had awoken him only a couple of minutes beforehand, and he had huddled under his bed covers in hopes that they would go away. Unfortunately its increasing volume had since proven it wouldn't leave until it was satisfied.

Eventually, the distinct and familiar _thud thud_ of knuckles against his apartment door had caught his interest. He sluggishly and heavily lifted himself from the bed, sweat padding his forehead and neck. Even at the relatively early time of 9:00, the weather was overly ambitious to cook anybody foolhardy enough to stay outside.

"Hachiman, open the door." A womanly, stern voice was muffled from the outside.

"Grk..." His sweat began to form again. There weren't many voices- no, not any voice on the planet that could drive him like a sledhound. This was one that had trained him overtime, demanding things from him and shattering his usually sturdy defiance every time he heard it.

After all, every son on the planet (or most of them anyway) would undoubtedly dread the sound of their agitated mother.

He opened the door to the summer heat and saw her in casual wear. A white shirt, simple loose fitting and beige cardigan, and form-fitting jeans which he immediately assumed had belonged to Komachi. This was a rare sight. He was so used to seeing her leave early in the morning and come home too late at night, both times dressed for and from her day and evening at the office. He always wondered why she and Komachi seemed to share their materialistic love of clothes, if all they would ever wear in the future was what seemed to be the same weekly rotation of business shirts, suits, and matching pants or skirts.

"Next time, answer your sister when she calls you. At least, answer her after the fifth time. You're going to drive her and everybody else to their limits."

He felt her eyes scanning his height; the deepening frown on her face had confirmed whatever was on her mind. 'Please, Komachi, you didn't actually resort to telling our-'

"Goodness, you actually are sick. All the times you cried 'wolf' at your father or myself to excuse you from school, and now when you actually are ill, you say nothing."

She lifted the plastic shopping bags and briefcase to her side and stepped into his apartment, not waiting for him to welcome her inside. It was still a foreign to her, testament to the few times she had ever been inside. He said nothing while closing the door behind her, eager to step back into bed.

"Even after all this time alone, adamantly stating that you wanted to be independent, you can't be expected to take care of yourself can you?"

Headache starting to form, he didn't even make it to his bed. He nonchalantly sunk into a table chair, trying his best not to lose last night's dinner while he spoke.

"...I didn't… ask you to come." His voice raspy, he concluded that it would be best to not speak if he was going to try to convince his mother that he felt better than he looked.

"No, but Komachi did. And that's more than enough for me."

He groaned into his arm. He cared for his little sister. On a particularly good day, he would proudly say that he loved her. But sometimes her lovely imouto-charm and care were overbearing even to him.

"Don't complain. You might look at us as a nuisance, but if you were able to take proper care of yourself as you should, neither of us would have to do this for you."

Before he could star to argue, he heard her put a glass and napkin on the wooden dining table.

"Here, take this right now so you can sleep easier. I'd rather you have breakfast first but you look like you need the rest more."

He wordlessly gulped down the two tablets infront of him, and drained the glass of water in a single shot. Despite not being cold, it was refreshing and had easily killed the dryness and thirst in his throat. The relief was enough to cool him down at least.

Soon, he felt a towel swipe across his forehead and wrap around the front of his neck. His hands reached up to the arms holding it, but they were shaken off easily.

"You don't… have to do that. I'll do it. ...Give me." He protested, slightly ashamed that his mother was doing something so elementary as drying his hair.

"Don't be bothersome, nobody is here to see you. You don't have to get embarrassed. And you're drenched too. You'll have to change out of that shirt, but sit still for now." She continued to dry his upper body with the soft towel. She definitely brought it from home; it was treated with a softener that was far too expensive for him to have purchased himself.

He sighed in both defeat and comfort. There was no point in resisting her when she became like this. Hikigaya Hitomi had to be the leading standard for the working yet doting mothers of Japan. No, it was perhaps that her worldview was nothing but being a proper wife and mother. She was intensely consistent, and showed little deviation from being such a person.

'Oyaji, how did you, with your cynicism that could smother any foolish optimist to death, find the compassionate woman under her strict shell?' He thought, while his damp head was still being dried off.

"Okay, I'm done." She said after a few more moments of patting his hair. "Get up and change, Hachi. And go lie down again. I'm going to prepare you something to eat."

He grumbled at her calling him 'Hachi.' Despite her strict nature, she held no reservations with her children. The affectionate didn't age as well, it almost felt condescending to hear her say it.

He wiped his lower back with his old shirt before tossing it onto the side of his hamper. The cool cloth of a new and fresh shirt was surprisingly relieving. He was more drained than he had thought. He couldn't recall actually telling anybody that he was ill. Komachi must have gathered it from his raspy throat and denial during Friday's phone call. The roles had reversed, it seemed. She was acting as the older sibling of the two in all aspects, despite the difference in age.

He recalled that his health had deteriorated after he passed out on Thursday. The combination of his sweat, the strong air-conditioning, and not wrapping himself with a blanket was most likely the cause of his head cold. Usually he was resilient to illnesses so he neglected to take medication on Friday morning. By midday, he was so desperate to come home that he had skipped his last class of the day.

When he remembered the events of Thursday night, he buried his head deeper into his pillow and tried to think of anything else.

He heard his mother's mumbling, briefly hearing the words "lazy" and "filthy". Soon, the sound of running water and clattering plates was the only thing in the apartment.

"What… are you…"

"I'm cleaning your dishes. Evidently you don't clean them yourself. Don't get up. This won't take long anyway. Go back to rest, I'll wake you when it's time."

As much as he loved food that he didn't have to prepare himself, and his menial work being done for him, the suddenness of his mother coming into his apartment and taking care of his housekeeping was agitating. He had already took enough charity in the form of them helping him with the rent. He didn't want anymore ontop of his conscious. He didn't know when that had changed about him.

The sound of dishes and silverware sliding against each other was quickly replaced by the sound of vegetables being chopped and the solid _thunk_ of a kitchen knife at work. The sound had relaxed him. Nothing else could bring somebody back to being at home as a child than the sound of kitchen utensils, running water, and food cooking. He absentmindedly thought of his youth, when both he and Komachi were too young to be left alone, with his mother more present at home. He wondered if he could find an ambient soundtrack of a home kitchen at work that he could download from somewhere.

He would forget to check later, as he fallen asleep before he could make note of it.

* * *

Eyes slowly cracking open, Hikigaya looked around his apartment. The majority of the lights, save for a lamp by the corner, were off. The sun was still coming in through the windows, though judging by the direction of the sunlight it was well into the later afternoon.

The sound of flipping pages had him turn his head towards the kitchen table. His mother was still here, occupying herself with what he had drowsily assumed was her office work. Moreso than anyone in the family, she was the most diligent. He always assumed that his strength in studying (outside of the sciences and math, anyway…) had come from her. It certainly didn't come from his father, at any rate.

Hikigaya Hitomi. Early on in his youth, she had stopped coming back home early to look after him and Komachi. She had maintained her position at work, a local financing office for the various schools, districts, and other educational ventures within and around Chiba. It had been her workplace well before he was born. She had originally served as an office lady to the older staff, and after years of taking care of clerical work, it seemed she was better suited to the job than any other prospects. He overheard comments from neighbors complimenting her on achieving a feat as a woman in Japan, but he was not even slightly surprised as a child. His mother's insatiable drive was something that he wish he could have inherited.

"Hachi, are you awake? Come over and eat a little." She didn't look up from her papers once. He wondered how she was able to notice without doing so, but left it at her God-like, maternal sixth sense that all women claimed they had.

Saying nothing he got up from his bed, remarkably easier than before. He shuffled his feet over to the dining table, sitting across from his mother.

"What time is it?" It was much easier to speak as well, to his satisfaction.

"Half past five. You slept all day, but you look remarkably better."

He had hoped that he would be able to start his classwork before the next week started, but wasting a day sleeping his fever away wasn't a poor alternative. He'd just start the homework the morning before it was due. Besides, something was more concerning than that…

"You stayed? For the whole time?"

She peered up at him. "The only one at home is your father. You're fortunate that he doesn't need the car today, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to come by this morning."

"You know, you could have just left the groceries and medicine here and went back home. All I did was sleep, and I think I can handle that on my own."

She shook her head. "I had work to do with me anyway, and I can't rely on you stomping out that cold. This way, I can secure both at the same time."

He gave her a mild glare. He wasn't so inept that he was incapable of making a simple soup and lying down.

She gave him a puzzled and sheepish smile. A very Komachi-like smile, used to deflect his sour attitude whenever it appeared. Actually, it was more probable that Komachi learned it from watching his mother react to his father.

"Please don't look at your mother that way, Hachi. I stayed because I'm concerned. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to sleep well at night."

"Fine."

"Good, just as long as you know. I'll heat up your dinner for you now."

He took the moment to observe her maneuver around his small kitchen with experience, despite her lack of familiarity with it. The way she had handled the utensils that weren't hers, knew exactly how much water to boil and how warm to set the stove. The skillset and knowledge of a mother could easily match that of a Level Five[1]. Where did it all come from?

Many boys wanted to marry someone just like their mother while growing up. Hikigaya Hachiman was far too easily embarrassed to think such a thing. Yet, his mother's qualities were admirable from any man's point of view. She was taller than most women, and her healthy frame in adulthood was a result of plenty of kendo in high school. The girl in the picture looked especially like Komachi, or at least he had thought so when he saw them for the first time. A Komachi with a sharp look to her eyes and a confident look instead of his sister's constantly bubbly and round expression.

She was the pinnacle blend between tradition and flexibility. She had respected and understood _why_ things were the way they are, even if they had seemed archaic. She was strict, but never once accosted him or Komachi for wanting to choose their own path. He was beyond grateful, more than she would ever know unless he would feel the nerve to tell her some day. Other people may have looked at her and thought her liberty with the two was irresponsible parenting, but he never once doubted the well-being of her children was her largest and first priority.

She finished setting the table, arranging his bowls and plates close to him and moving her papers aside. She had prepared nothing too extravagant, most of them looked to be mild in flavor. A good call, since he probably wouldn't be able to stomach anything too spicy or flavorful like a stew or fish. The broth on his left was steaming hot, but he was eager to start off with it.

Habitually, he placed his hands together.

"Thank you for the meal."[2] He began to eat slowly, careful not to overwork his still slightly dizzy body. The food was delicious, despite being a simpler set of dishes. He was always pleased by his mother's ability to cook. He and Komachi were amateurs in the light of their veteran mother.

"When did you learn to cook?"

"Oh?" She smiled, and seemed happy her son had implied his praising of her. "Asking questions about me? This is quite unlike for you."

"It just didn't seem like you had the time to learn." He momentarily put his set of chopsticks down.

She was never fond of the fact that both she and his father had to sacrifice time with their children for their busy work schedules. She often changed the subject as quickly as she could, but he could see the guilt linger in her every time it happened. He wished he had thought his words through a second time.

"Ah… well, I had to learn quickly. Most of it comes from my own mother, you know. A girl will have trouble getting married unless they can cook even somewhat decently." She spoke knowingly, a proud look on her face that she had "passed" the test designed for all women.

"Is that right?" ...Sensei wasn't a terrible cook; she must just be cursed to only meet men with no taste in women. However, by his mother's logic, Yuigahama may as well exile herself into the mountains to learn the secrets of asexual reproduction, if she wanted her family to survive.

"...But there _is_ a secret in becoming a great cook. It's actually quite simple, and once you know it, it's hard not to prepare every dish with care."

Oooohh! Hikigaya's brows raised and he leaned into the table. Was the tipping point, the motherly advice that he had waited so long to receive?!

"It's quite easy, really. The secret to making a good dish... is to cook for somebody you unconditionally love!" She held her face in both hands, childishly smiling at him. He was starting to worry that she was going through a mid-life crisis in a desperate search for lost "youth".

"HUH?!" He had started to choke out of surprise, much to his mother's concern and scolding. Where did that come from? It sounded like some poor, cheesy line that was dangerously similar to one in a manga[3] he had once read.

It took him a few moments to regain his composure before continuing his meal, but he managed to finish the rest of it rather quickly. He hadn't eaten anything the night prior. His appetite must have filled the space that his illness once occupied.

"Would you like more? There's plenty left if you-"

"No, no. I'm fine, that was enough. Thanks again."

She got up and took the dishes around him, returning them back to the sink. She started to clean the dishes immediately, as she always had after the family would have their rare dinners together. He got up to stop her, but she shot him a look that chained him back to his seat. It seemed her willingness to clean up after him, even without him asking, was still as strong as it ever had been.

Table cleared, he looked through the well-organized stacks of papers that his mother had brought with him. Her handwriting was still sharply clear and precise as always. The papers were sorted in groups, with different assortments of colors and side notes from the sides separating the pile into categories. It looked like she had finished before he had woken up. He always admired the nearly savant-levels of organization and preparation his mother always had with her work. He wondered if he could ever reach this level of diligence, if he had ever been put in a position to work in corporate.

"I suppose that your father and I are blessed. To have two children who had the capacity to mature early and take care of themselves like you and Komachi did." She walked over from the kitchen, sitting back down into her seat. "Though sometimes I wish you took more after me than your father, judging from the way you are now."

He wasn't sure if she was talking down to him or being playful. The thought of being closer alike to her would have meant he was closer in person to Komachi. And he was far too lazy to even try to emulate his sister's energy, much less his mother's proactive habits.

"I hardly think that it's a matter of genetics. I just happened to grow differently than Komachi to adapt to you and dad not being there."

A pang of sorrow shot through his mother's eyes. He quickly winced at his words, wishing he instead said nothing. He hadn't meant for them to sound so decisive, as if he were snidely lashing back for her and his father's lack of presence in his and Komachi's adolescence.

"I'm sorry, that was out of line. I'm not saying it was your fault, and I didn't mean for-"

"I know Hachi, I know." She rested the side of her head on her palm, a sad smile on had appeared on her face. "Sometimes a parent can be startled by how much hidden truth their child can show them."

She sighed deeply, never losing his eye contact. The apologetic look in her eyes was a clear sign of her genuflection. He never considered how much toll his mother's absence from home had taken a toll out of herself as well.

"I resented that I wasn't there for you while you had to go through so much hardship in school. I wanted to be there every day when you got home, when your father and I would get calls from your school. I've never wanted your father to be wrong more: that kindness wasn't something every child would universally receive."

"Ah, well… that's just a part of growing up. And it wasn't a problem that you could have really solved anyway."

"Ha... you really are still just a boy, aren't you? Listen to me, those words don't mean anything to a parent. No, it's probably better to say that they _won't_ make sense to a parent. A child's problems are always and immediately a worse problem for us."

He crossed his arms. He never asked for help when he was in middle school, though he didn't know if it was because grew too stubborn too early or that he didn't know anybody to ask.

"Acting so cross, even to your mother? I hope that part of you changes, otherwise you're going to repel everybody away." She saw right through him, as always. "It's both charming and frightening that you're so alike your father."

"Oh, I'm sure he appreciates that. He must brag about me to his coworkers every night."

His relationship with his father worsened as he got older, making it inverse of him and Komachi. The two of them being so alike inevitably meant that his father would seldom ever have answers that he wanted to hear in his adolescence. His father never ever held back his words: Life was tough, and sometimes you're dealt a bad hand. Sometimes, some people were dealt bad hands most of the time. It was just a matter of perspective.

"Hachi, he loves you as much as I do. You don't need me to tell you." His mother's voice brought him out of his train of thought. "You of all people should understand that people show it in different ways."

"Yeah, yeah. I know. Don't get the idea that you two were ever terrible parents." He didn't want to feed into her idea that not seeing either his mother or father often as a child had caused him distress, as pointless as his attempts were.

"You and him were in a rough circumstance," he continued, "neither Komachi and I understood what work meant back then. You both worked those abominable amount of hours for our sake. A spoiled child might have complained, but the smart ones would know that's all they ever needed."

"No, you're wrong." She immediately replied. "There's more to parenting than putting a roof over your children's heads and feeding them. There's so, so, so much more, Hachi, that we should have done." Her hands expertly twirled the pen she was holding, as though doing so would give her the answers that she had always wanted.

After a pause, she looked back up to him and continued.

"There are no utilitarian experiences in parenting. Everything and anything you neglect from your child has an infinite amount of consequence to. You can feed them, clothe them, discipline them, protect them, wipe their tears and bandage their injuries..."

He met her eyes and saw a myriad of emotions that he couldn't recognize, save for one. A smudge of self-loathing and disappointment that he was so familiar with. He had worn it long enough for it to become a part of him. It looked terrible on his mother.

"...but the moment you leave them alone to fend for themselves? When your child has to bear the brunt of the world, when the parents should have been there to soften the blows… if you ever let that happen, then you've failed your child a thousand times over, Hachi."

He grimaced, yet couldn't bring her to stop, as much as he wanted to. Not after he hadn't spoken to her for months, much less physically seen her in almost a year. She had a look of concern; he couldn't have been more hopeful that she might have read him.

"I'm sorry, you don't want to hear this, do you? Sometimes, I forget the most important rule. A parent can never show their troubles to their children."

"Seems like I got it the other way around then." His nature had prevented him from ever directly telling his mother and especially his father about his troubles. They had found out indirectly, and neither pressed him about it until after it was too late.

"It works both ways, you know. Only the child can ever cry and complain. The parents need to convince their children that nothing is ever wrong at any point. We have to lie a little to get around that, as much as you might hate that in people."

For a while, the two stayed silent. The sudden transition to the sensitive discussion was unexpected, and neither truly knew how to break the awkward silence until his mother had done it for them.

"...Did I ever tell you, Hachi? When Komachi told me about your teacher making you join that club, I was actually initially a little agitated. I'm sure she was doing it out of her duty, but to make you stay somewhere you didn't want to be? And the thought of another woman taking an aggressive stance in doing what's best for you…"

She let out out a short chuckle, more breath than laughter. "But it turns out that it was the best decision that could have ever been made. When Komachi told me you actually went out _shopping_ _with a girl_ for a present. And the club existed to help others? It…" she paused, resuming her laugh with more strength. "It was so surreal and unbelievable! She said you were happy, even if you didn't always want to be there at the beginning. You found something there, in that club."

He wouldn't go that far. By the end, the club was just a means to meet the two people who meant more to him than he would ever admit to anybody. It was the people he met that mattered.

"Yukino-san… she was quite beautiful in every way. The way you had described her made it seem like she was just a rich, stuck-up heir with an overly zealous superiority complex. Yet, when we met her for the first time… I couldn't have imagined a more perfect person for you. The way she shamelessly and fearlessly put you in your place infront of her boyfriend's parents. It might have been hard to see, but I could see that she was incredibly kind. Perhaps too kind for her own good."

If she noticed the look of pain forming on his face, than she clearly had ignored it in her nostalgia.

"Any woman who had fallen in love before could have seen herself there. I wish… no, everybody wishes, that she were still here, Hachi."

"Hey, kaa-san... Let's not dwell on the past anymore." He interrupted her out of desperation. He had to stop her before he did something ultra embarrassing like tear up infront of his mother. Above anyone else, he hoped that his family wouldn't know of the despair he put himself through whenever he thought about _her_.

She scrutinizingly looked at him before continuing. "Mmm… alright. That's fine. Yes, we don't have to talk about her if you don't want to." She looked to the side, her thoughts unfinished. "But Yuigahama is a different story."

"I didn't think you two were still in contact."

"You don't know? Figures that you wouldn't. She's finishing her program right now. She'll be assisting as a student counselor soon. Scouted by one of the international schools we collaborate with frequently. As a result, we have been seeing each other quite often."

Yuigahama had chosen to study and work in education at her university, from what he remembered. It wouldn't be surprising that she and his mother would be acquainted, one of his mother's roles was to represent her firm to the various schools they worked with.

"She'll probably stress the kids out more than anything, with they way she acts…" He chucked at the thought. He wondered if somebody so clumsy and dependent on others was capable of taking of kids. She was more likely to cry alongside the children instead of wiping their tears.

"Don't be so presumptuous, Hachi. I hear that the kids absolutely _adore_ her, and that she has an exceptional talent working with children."

At the same time, he could see nobody else better suited surrounded by children. He couldn't imagine her as some shrink, psychoanalysing every potential trouble that small children would have, but she was never short of empathy or compassion. Of the three in Sobu's service club, she prized the gratification of helping somebody the most.

"Certainly, she's still very… eccentric? ...and even downright clumsy, really."

His wry smile had turned into a softer one. He hoped in earnest that Yuigahama hadn't turned into a workaholic after high school. He was glad to hear she hadn't torn herself apart after their falling out. There was no reason to, if it was just him, after all.

"She sounds like she's doing well."

"She's more than eager to tell you herself." His mother narrowed her eyes at him. He couldn't tell if she was disappointed or angry.

His prior guilt compounded twicefold. He was never was eager to find fault in himself for his shortcomings. Even so, he could do nothing but painfully look into the table. He knew full well that his actions were reprehensible.

"I started to worry for her. I considered calling her family at some point. She was weeping like a child when I drove her home, that day we learned about Yukino-san."

She paused, chewing her bottom lip momentarily.

"She asks about you. She brings you up at least once almost every time. The same questions. 'Is he well?' 'How has he been doing?'"

Even a loner like him could look at somebody who threw their friends away and easily call them the bottom-most trash of people.

"What am I supposed to do? Awkwardly stumble into her and pretend we've known each other this entire time?"

"You just _do_. That's all. Let her handle the rest."

He felt his mother's hands reach across the table for his own.

"When I found out, I was furious. I told her that I was going to drag you across Chiba; to apologize to her and make up for your thick-headedness. But she refused to allow me to. She stood her ground as though I suggested something terrible."

She squeezed his hand for his attention.

"She smiled through the obvious heartbreak and told me that you would come through."

His eyes widened, his frustration disappeared almost instantly. He stopped clenching his fist, ignoring the pain from his nails digging into his palm.

"She was adamant that 'Hikki' would definitely follow through and say hello to her again. I saw strength in her that night. How could I say no when she had that much faith in you?"

How many hours had he spent, walking through or practicing a scenario to approach her again, only to cower away at the thought of her not reciprocating any of it? He was as frightened to talk to her as he was talking to a girl in middle school. No, even more so than that. Yuigahama Yui's rejection would be more potent and harming to him than anyone else's in the world.

So it was no surprise that he was torn between feeling elated or foolish.

"...Dumb girl."

She was relieved once she saw his face, the hint of a smile she hadn't seen for years was present.

"That's not something you should say so easily about your friend."

"It's because we were "friends" that I can say it so easily."

He was too cowardly to ever approach her. The longer it had been, the more hesitant he had become until he was practically fearful of the thought. Knowing that she wasn't bitter, at least outwardly bitter, was all that he needed to know.

Satisfied with the answer, his mother stood up from her chair, and lifted her briefcase from the side.

"I lost track of time. I told Komachi that I would be preparing dinner tonight." Pensive, she suddenly paused and stopped gathering her things.

"Come home, Hachi. Have dinner with us, just once."

He shook his head. "Sorry. Monday is my earliest start of the week. I'd rather not get back any later than I'd like to."

With a disappointed sigh, his mother nodded her head in agreement. "Then don't stay up; go to sleep early. And take your medication. You look much better than before, so you'd best get rid of it as early as you can."

He too had gotten up from his seat, helping his mother with her briefcase on their way to the apartment entrance. He took the time to observe her as she put her shoes on. He was starting to see the compounding effect of time and long hours age his mother. He wondered if it had the same effect to his father.

"Ah, it looks like I forgot. There's one last thing, Hachi."

She had taken out a parcel from her briefcase. It was thick enough to make him realize that the amount of papers that she brought for herself was actually very little in comparison.

"This arrived in the mail a couple of nights ago for you. The return address is from Berlin. The sender must not have gotten notice of the switch in address when you moved out."

He took the package from her. The first thing he had noticed was that it was covered in postage stamps and marks. For the most part, it felt like a stack of papers, easily at least a few centimeters in thickness. The most prominent label on the package had three names in English… no, German?

"'Baasch'… 'Fürst'…'Dieter'...? What is this supposed to be?" He didn't recognize any of the names. Frankly, he would have been amazed if he managed to pronounce two of the three even slightly correctly. He tried to recall an event that would warrant him receiving mail from overseas, but nothing came to mind.

"I don't know. It was specifically addressed to you. I asked your father, but he said it was best if we left it to you alone."

"Feh..." He tossed it behind him, carelessly topping it onto his kitchen counter.

"...You won't even think to look what it is?"

"It _looks_ and feels like paperwork to me. What am I receiving mail from Germany for, anyway? Probably a mistake." In honestly, he was hoping that it was indeed sent to the wrong person. It felt like a _really_ thick stack. With incredibly thin sheets too. Enough for him to not want to be anywhere near associated with it.

"Well, promise me you'll at least look at it. It looks like it had quite the journey here." His mother was looking up at him while she was putting her shoes on. "Besides, for it to address specifically to 'Mister Hachiman Hikigaya,' address and all, should tell you they didn't make a mistake."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll look at it."

Finally, with briefcase in hand, shoes on, and everything else collected, Hikigaya Hitomi took one final look at her son while standing outside.

"...Are you certain you won't come for dinner, Hachi? I can bring you back, if you want."

He had to give her a smile for her undying persistence. Komachi is definitely her daughter, he thinks.

"Like I said before, my Mondays start early."

He shifted in place. It wouldn't be right to end the conversation at that.

"But, one day, soon. I'm honestly getting a little tired of cup ramen every night."

"Don't make promises that you can't keep. Especially to your family."

He brushed away her scolding with his hand. "I will. Seems like you and everyone else won't leave me alone unless I do come home some day, isn't that right?" He couldn't help but smile as he said it.

With a knowing smile, his mother affectionately squeezed his arm before turning around and walking down the steps of the apartment complex. Hikigaya stood and watched her walk the entire distance down, until she had gotten inside the family car and drove off.

He took a deep breath, leaning against the railing of his apartment complex. He was still thinking about Yuigahama.

"I just do?" He recalled his mother's instructions.

It wasn't about tact or class to him. There would be no convenient way to go out of his way and speak to her. If time had even slightly changed him, then he would have no surprise if Yuigahama had as well. He had no footing or preparation, and no amount of risk calculation would help him if she wasn't the same Yuigahama he had known.

"Well, one more day can't hurt." He walked back into his apartment.

He stretched his arms and closed the door behind him. He felt restless. All things considered, he was exceptionally better than before. He couldn't rely on his parents for all his needed answers, but speaking to his mother had been refreshing. That, and the comfort and relief knowing that Yuigahama hadn't forgotten him gave him enough motivation to feel proactive. He used to mock it relentlessly, that nice girls would either unknowingly or willingly string their victims along just for their own gain.

But to do so for five years? Yuigahama was a _good_ person, not just a nice one. He could say that with little effort.

Looking at the parcel on his kitchen counter, however, seemed to remove all hope from his mind. Had someone purchased and mailed him a dictionary without the binding? He could throw it out into the bin, and no one would be the wiser…

"Ah, well whatever." It was best to leave it for another day. He had plenty of classwork. It would be easier to deal with that first instead.

Before he could gather his bag, a familiar sight of papers and color-coded tabs caught his attention.

He wondered, that despite her virtues, how did she become so forgetful? And with something as important as work, too. He scratched the back of his neck, wondering what to do. Certainly, the work she had done looked important, with how many forms she had signed her name onto.

Grumbling, he took his phone from his nightstand and called her. It took longer than usual for her to answer.

" _Hello. This is Hikigaya."_

"Ah, it's me. Sorry I'm calling while you're driving."

" _Not at all. What is it?"_

Did she really need to drive back though? He felt bad enough that she spent her sunday morning and afternoon ensuring he was fine. And at the moment, he was more than that. The second wind from the first decent meal in weeks and a reassuring conversation was enough to restore his spirits, even if only temporarily.

"You left your work here."

He heard her exhale sharply. He could see her blink her eyes in frustration.

" _So that's why I felt like I was missing something. Alright, thanks for letting me know. I'm coming back now."_

Maybe there was an easier solution for both of them.

"Actually, I don't think you have to worry about it. You don't need them until Monday, right? I'll take them to your office. The same one, isn't it? It's not that far from my place, if I remember it correctly."

" _No, that's alright. You were right not to go out tonight, you're just now getting-"_

"Look, I just really want to get out of the house for once. Haven't you always wanted me to get more exercise? I'm feeling better and the walk sounds like something I need."

" _Huh?! You have a fever again, don't you? You never want to go outside if you can't help it."_

He ground his teeth together. "I'm. Fine."

He heard a sigh from the other line. _"You won't let me pick them up myself, will you?"_

Not a chance.

" _Okay, Hachi. Dress warmly and immediately call me if you start feeling unwell. You can leave it at the front, tell them to reserve it for me until tomorrow morning."_

They hung up, and he started to dress himself out of the comfort of his sweatpants. The sooner he got out, the faster he could walk his troubles away before he decided to change his mind.

* * *

He stepped into the train car with a messenger bag strapped around his chest. It was a good thing he decided on wearing a thicker pair of jeans and a sweater before he left. It was deceptively cool in the evening despite the heated temperature in the day.

It was easy to find a seat on the weekend, though in most circumstances he would never take advantage of that. There was nothing more pleasant than to spend the weekend on a couch, with handheld or smartphone in hand. It was the truest definition of leisure. Everybody else insistent to exert their energy on the weekends surely wasn't aware of that one fact. The entire working week was devoted into mindlessly pouring effort into tasks that, ninety-seven percent of the time, weren't of any significant interest, and were only forced upon the poor people that had to do them. So why waste the precious time of rest and relaxation?

He stared across the train car into the rapidly passing lights of buildings and streetlights. Buildings swept past him, but one particular building was still in his field of view. A ridiculously tall and lavish building, centered downtown. A new hotel, he recalls seeing in the news only a few years ago. Yet another landmark that the city had built in an attempt to woo wealthy travelers or overpaid businessmen. It was a collaboration between the city, diet, and plenty of contracts and investments made outside of Japan. The campaign was built in order to 'revitalize' the urban market in Chiba.

He wasn't an expert in real estate, but he wondered if the monstrous amount of capital spent would pay itself off. By no means was he educated in economics, his trouble with his own bookkeeping was enough to tell him that he would have no success as any financier. Despite this, he wondered if there were enough upper-class individuals in the prefecture to fill a hotel of that size. That, or if a hotel was enough to bring prospective travelers over to Chiba rather than Tokyo.

By the time he moved onto thinking of something else, he was already off the train and walking towards his mother's office. It was the same station he got off on the way towards his university, and he could rely on habit to take him where he needed to go. The only difference was taking a turn halfway through the walk.

Judging from the decreasing amount of couples and increasing amount of suits, he was approaching his mother's office. There were significantly less people here than the shopping district he was initially walking through. Had he not called beforehand, he would be wondering whether or not anybody would be present at her office on a sunday.

Turning the corner, he found his destination in view. Despite his mother having worked in this office for the majority of his life, he had never actually stepped into it before. It wasn't the largest or newest office, since it was largely ministry-funded, but it was as office-like as any other building could be. There was nothing spectacular about it. It lacked the modern design and clean aesthetic that newer locations all seemed to have.

He looked around as he walked in. The lobby was empty, save for one individual sitting in an enclosed area. As he got closer, her features became more clear. She looked to be about his age. A fresh graduate maybe? She wore a nice suit jacket which only a father would be able to afford for his working daughter. The remnants of hair-highlights from her college years were still there, but it looked like she abandoned them for the sake of a more acceptable look in the office.

She was definitely new. The look on her face had told him that she wasn't broken in yet by the demands of being a corporate slave. More specifically, it was the nervous-but-upbeat look she had in her eyes, with dreams of maturity and success in them. He wondered how long it would take her until-

'Whoops,' he thought. She was giving him a more quizzically paranoid stare as he got closer and the longer he looked at her. Better to get his business out of the way before she calls security.

"Ah, I'm here to make a delivery. Sort of. It's for somebody that works here." He awkwardly stumbled in his bag, taking out the folder he placed his mother's papers in.

Suspiciously, the girl across the desk had slowly taken the folder. She briefly opened it to see the contents, and immediately went back to looking at him. He was starting to get uncomfortable. Why was she so intent on staring at him?

"It does look like our stationary, but… I'm sorry, may I ask who you are, and who this is for?"

"Oh, sorry. Those are for Hikigaya Hitomi. She accidentally left them in my home… I'm her son."

The look of suspicion was immediately replaced with one of discovery. Like she had just remembered a fact that eluded her for days. The look on her face was so joyful that he thought about backing away.

"Oh! So you're the boy in that picture!"

"Uh?" Picture? And was this something to get so happy about? And why was she getting so close to him andsofast-

Clutching the folder between her crossed arms and chest, the girl gave him a quick bow and introduced herself with her name. "It's a pleasure to meet you!"

'Hey now,' he thought, 'I don't even work here, but you're introducing yourself like we're suddenly coworkers?'

"A-Ah, yeah… you too."

"Well, right this way then! Her office isn't that far off. We can easily take the stairs."

"Actually, since you already have them, I'd think it be best if I just…"

Before he could say anymore, the sleeve of his sweater was gingerly being pulled into a direction, and he found himself walking alongside the office girl. Was it really okay for her to abandon the front desk like that?

"Hikigaya-san is amazing. She's so proper and hard-working, but she's not nearly as stern or mean as the others in the office. And she's really quick to praise or reward you for doing good work. I was only half as dependable as her…"

He wondered if the girl even remembered that he was bringing work that his "dependable" mother had left on his kitchen table.

There were still a few people remaining in the office, though the atmosphere wasn't that of a busy night, appropriate for a sunday. Whether they were catching up on late deadlines or performing some other menial task, most were engaged in small conversation with another.

"...and this is her desk!" She stopped him at a cubicle. It was slightly larger than the others, and there were clear signs of it having been hers for a while.

Surely enough, a photograph of his younger self and Komachi was on the desk. His sister might have been too young to remember; his mother and father had taken him to a resort in Shirahama. Taking a guess, he had to have been about five or six years old at the time. The boy in the photo looked remarkably liked him, but was a different person altogether. He didn't learn his lessons at this point in time.

He glanced at every perfect corner and shining spot on her desk. It seems that she was as meticulous about cleaning here as she was at home. While the office in general wasn't dirty by any means, he could see a few trashcans brimming with crumbled papers and pens lazily assorted in cups, even some small amounts of pocket change sitting on shelves next to tilted and old office books. His mother's desk, on the other hand, looked like it was built and setup for the purpose of being photographed and uploaded onto the internet as a stock photo for office desks.

"Hikigaya-san? Did you hear me?" The voice brought him out of his thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, sorry, I was distracted by… err, what was that again?"

"I asked you if she, Hikigaya-san- your mother that is, had any particular instructions on where to put these."

"Nothing specific. You can probably just leave them on her desk."

"Hm… is that so?"

The girl had opened a side drawer, neatly placing the folder inside before snapping it shut. She took something about of her pocket and starting writing into it.

He was going to tell her that it was unnecessary, but thought it best not to intrude. Though, he was certain that his mother could put two and two together when she saw the folder on her desk the next morning.

"Okay, I think that's good as it is. Thank you for bringing those over, Hikigaya-san! I'll be sure to let her know tomorrow." She backed away from the desk, and motioned over back outside to the office, leading him outside. He wondered if she would be upset if he started to walk around on his own. He was starting to feel like a pet being walked. The girl seemed overly eager to do her job.

The two walked through the office in the opposite direction. He was glad to see the office, in retrospect. There wasn't particularly anything interesting about it, but even so, seeing his mother's desk gave him the impression that he had a little more insight about her than before.

He was relaxed, now. The thoughts occupying his mind in his home had long passed, and he started to think about what snack he was going to bring home from the nearest convenience store.

"...and again, thank you so much for coming by tonight. We really appreciate it, Yuigahama-san." An apologetic male voice came from the hallway the two were walking towards.

"No, it's fine! I was around the area anyway, so it wasn't much trouble, really, haha..."

Hikigaya Hachiman stopped moving, brows furrowed and his mind replaying the voice over.

It was indistinguishable. The overly youthful and humble tone. It was a feminine voice that could range from being whisperingly quiet to obnoxiously loud. Even the statement that was just spoken was characteristic of the voice. It was a clear lie; she had definitely went much out of her way to take a train into the office.

"Hikigaya-san, is there something wrong?" The front desk girl had stopped to look at him from infront.

He didn't respond, but he shook his head. He didn't believe in coincidence or fate, but he was starting to believe that something was trying to convince him they were real.

"...we're really sorry, again. Then, please have a good evening, Yuigahama-san."

"Mm! Good night!"

She entered his view as she walked past the door. Her attire was much different, along with the longer length of her hair. It wasn't sorted in the bun he was so used to, instead tied up a bit more gracefully. The nicely-pressed shirt and skirt she was wearing was far too business-casual for her usual taste, but she wore them in comfort and confidence. The teenager in him noticed that she still held her curvy figure, though she had grown slightly taller. 'Did they get _bigger?'_ He managed to ask to nobody in his still-shocked state.

"Ah, Sachiko-chan! It's rare to see you outside of the first floor!"

"Good evening, Yuigahama-san! Is something wrong? We usually don't see you outside of Tuesday."

A nervous laugh came from the girl who had just entered. "No, no. Just a small favor, but it's all taken care of now. I just had... to..." She stopped speaking as she looked aside from the girl. Her closed hand gradually moved toward her chest.

As quickly as she walked into the office to greet the front-desk girl, she stopped. He could see her pupils slowly dilate when their eyes met. He was certain that his own, however impossible it may have been with his eyes, did the same.

"Oh, Yuigahama-san, this is-"

"Hikki." Her voice was quivering and unprepared.

He knew, at that point, he was definitely right about coincidence and fate. They didn't exist, and were merely illusions of pure chance. You only saw events as coincidences because they happened to be on your mind beforehand, nothing else. It was just a delusion, all of it.

And so, the only remaining answer out of elimination, was that there was most definitely a higher power. And it thrived on irony, or a twisted sense of poetic justice.

.

.

 **I fibbed about introducing Haruno earlier. And now that this is here, I'm having to reconsider the original length of this arc, and the story overall. But this is all for the better, I promise!**

 **The problem with introducing pairings early is that you either give away or hide too much before the whole story is finished. And, it was every intent of mine to make Yui a prominent figure here. Enough so that I'm actually considering putting her in the pairings, but I think I can still delegate her to a more supporting character. Either way, she's here now.**

 **Sorry this took a little longer than I had wanted. I actually had some trouble with this particular update, because I wasn't entirely sure how to tone or pace 8man and going forward. The two-day skip in time lazily takes care of that. I'm pretty sure after the first few chapters, most people got the hint that he's miserable. Actually, this is probably the first chapter that goes past exposition. And I'm glad it is, because I'm excited on where it leads.**

 **I won't promise any scheduled updates from this point forward. My schedule and time is so loose that it's uncertain whether or not I can be reliable about that thing anymore. What I will say, is that I have a fairly good amount already written in advance. Or, at the least, drafts of the more important moments in 8man's arc. Most of which involve my attempt at his monologue.**

 **And on his monologue, while it's surprisingly interesting and entertaining (maybe even shamefully so, given his nature…) to write it out, I actually wondered if going into a third-person perspective throughout was a better option. I deliberately tried to separate myself from the light novel narrative, and it turned out to be better for me in general. I don't want to imagine the effort it would take to write in Hikigaya's perspective in the place that I had put him in. As lazy as it is, the third-person perspective at least lets me play around with a slight shift in perspective depending on who the chapter is oriented towards. That was something I tried earlier with Haruno, and it worked pretty well, I thought.**

 **Still wondering if I'm in the wrong for writing in his mother. But it's fanfiction, right?**

 **Thanks for making it out this long as always.**

 **Edit: Aside from grammatical errors, I'm noticing the unintended phone-themed chapter titles. That is not in any way intentional, but now I think it might be.**

1\. In Toaru Majutsu no Index, "Level Five" is considered the highest echelon of the esper power ranking.

2\. "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the-" _itadakimasu._ But you probably knew what he said.

3\. Shokugeki no Sōma


	5. Hikki, not 'Hooky'

_**Disclaimer:**_ **Oregairu doesn't belong to me, all rights reserved to Wataru Watari.**

 **I've taken an exceptional amount of imaginative liberty when writing this; so if there's anything that seems factually off, please let me know, so I can embarrassingly and discretely edit the chapter(s).**

 **Hikki, not 'Hooky'**

The problem with adults wasn't the fact that their judgmental lessons were wrong. When being scolded, a common complaint of the child was that their parents had taken their anger or stress out on them in some sort of powerplay. But Hikigaya knew that was just an illusion painted by angry children who wanted any excuse to have their way. Adults were 'adults' because they simply existed for a longer time. Naturally their words would be ripe with wisdom because they had every reference to cite: themselves.

So he learned early. His mother had drilled it into his brain the first time he had brought home an exam grade that was pitifully low: always be prepared. It wasn't a magic spell that would fix all your problems, but certainly it would prevent anything from happening preemptively. There was no scenario more foolish than being caught off guard.

Yet he stood out infront of his mother's office building, faced with the one person he was the _least_ prepared to speak to. It was a clear reminder that perhaps he had passively rejected the lessons of his elders and society perhaps too much as a child.

The worst was her staring. Her eyes weren't watering like he had imagined, and if she had experienced the same shock that he had upon seeing the other, she didn't show it. She was anticipating, _waiting_ for him to say something. But it wasn't greedy nor demanding. Instead it seemed to ask him moreso than demand, like she was guiding him to start the conversation they were doomed to have.

He realized that Yuigahama Yui had matured. Far beyond her years in high school. He had been frozen in time from their mutual misery from _her_ passing. She had done nothing but grown from it. She held herself upright, but wasn't exuding any boldness. The modesty of her appearance was a statement in itself; perhaps the most shocking change in her appearance was her hair: it was plainly brown, no longer the radically pink and peach color it used to be in high school.

His mother was right. She changed far more than he had expected.

"It's good to see you again." She said as though she were pleading with him to give her his attention. He conceded to the guilt easily.

"Ah… yeah… It's been a while." He hated that phrase and hated himself for saying it. It reeked of a shallow attempt to make conversation, but he was otherwise speechless. He wonders for a moment if he should have taken the extra step into patheticness and practiced this scenario infront of a mirror. Anything would be better than standing still, blanking out.

"Are you hungry?" Yuigahama's invitation crashed into the awkward moment, somehow dispelling it altogether. "Do you want to have dinner together? It's late but… I haven't eaten at all today."

It occurred to him that he could easily just claim that he was ill. Yuigahama would easily concede and tell him to take care of himself before leaving, out of concern. Yet if he did such a thing, Hikigaya Hachiman would undoubtedly betray every ounce of morality and self-respect he had for himself. He grieved for five years over his own tragedy; Yuigahama Yui spent five years silently caring and praying.

Offering him the invitation to eat, Yuigahama looked hopefully optimistic. If he refused her here, he would never be able to mend their broken relationship again.

And for once in his life, Hikigaya Hachiman decided that being lonely, at least in this moment, was the last option he wanted to take.

"Sure. You choose, I don't know the area well."

He followed her side on the busy sidewalk. He was careful not to stare, though he found it increasingly harder. His acceptance must have made her happy, because she was smiling widely. If he were a braver person, he would offer his arm to link with hers; he caught her staring at it before she decided not to say or do anything.

He wondered if Yuigahama had found a boyfriend.

"How is class, Hikki?" She broke the awkward silence with her question, meeting his stare. He was thankful that she didn't point it out. He was even more thankful that the elephant walking next to them on the street, the fact that they had just met after five years of no contact, was also being ignored by her.

"Ah, it's okay, I guess. Busier than usual." He quickly looked forward, embarrassed that he was caught. "How did you know I was…?"

"Hikigaya-san told me last year. I was really surprised! I didn't think you would stay in school, seeing as how you disliked it so much."

"Just the sciences. The humanities are alright. I just happened to be really good at them."

Third in his high school year, to be precise. An achievement, if you consider that he was third only to a boy who was chiseled with perfect.

And to the ice cold girl he fell in love with.

"There it is, over there."

She pointed out a building cozily nested between a gas station and convenience store. Walking in, he noted that there weren't too many people. If the sign behind the door was accurate, this place would close within the hour.

"Irasshaimase![1] Table for… two?" The girl greeting them was probably in high school, judging from the way she kept her hair trendy and straightened.

More importantly, why did she feel the need to act so surprised?

"Yuigahama-san, hello!" Ah, so they were acquainted. She must be a frequenter here then, probably the result of eating late meals whenever she stopped by his mother's office.

"Evening! Yes, that'll be fine."

They were seated close to the front, by the window. He frowned once he saw the table, the seats were far too close together and the table was auspiciously placed and meant for couples. He would have to be careful so their knees wouldn't touch against each other while they were eating.

"Your boyfriend?" The girl eyed him curiously. She reminded him of Orimoto Kaori, far too nosy for his comfort.

"No, no. We're old classmates. Do you remember Hikigaya-san? The lady I come here with often? She's his mother."

"Getting treated by the family, I see." The girl playfully jabbed.

"Not this time. Not for this one." Yuigahama looked far too determined for something like a family restaurant bill.

So that was it then. He wasn't surprised, Hikigaya Hitomi isn't a woman you will ever beat in the fight of who gets to pay the bill. He was certain that his mother won the argument every single time.

He looked at the waitress one more time, looking to see if she were the subtle type. He smiled, seizing the opportunity to practice out the trick that Hiratsuka-sensei had taught him.

"What would you like, then?" She looked to him first, notepad and pen in hand.

He took a look at the simple menu offered infront of him, reading quickly as to not waste time. "Omelet over rice, no dressing or peppers." Best to keep it as light as possible, he wasn't keen on testing his body after just now recovering.

"I'll have my usual." Yuigahama said it without glancing at the menu at all.

…The usual? How many times did she come here for her to have a _usual_ in a _family_ _restaurant_?

The waitress nodded, scribbling down on her pad. "It'll be out shortly. I'll bring some iced tea and water too then, Yuigahama-san."

As soon as she left, he asked the question lingering on his mind.

"Hmm… well, I usually only come by on Tuesdays, and I have work really early on the weekdays and have to make the commute here after so…" She counted digits on her fingers. "At least a dozen times? Hikigaya-san comes with me often. I guess you guys really didn't ever have dinner often, with the hours she works."

"Couldn't be helped. Her and my dad both work in thankless offices."

He never questioned either of his parents regarding ambition. His father especially, since his own philosophy about the corporate slave life of working as a cog in a machine had largely come from his father. Even his mother, who worked somewhat in the field of education, was at most, an office worker. The majority of their earnings had gone into his and Komachi's education.

"How about you, Yuigahama?" He forced out. "How is… whatever you're doing… counseling students?"

"It's…" She paused, taking the time to massage her temples. "It's a lot of work, honestly, but just a few weeks more and I'll be working at the international school; the one nearby your university. I'll be working with the junior high students, mostly."

He knew the one she was speaking of. A ridiculously high graduation rate, and the acceptance rate into both Chiba and especially other top-ranking universities was staggering. A rich school, filled with kids from rich families.

"Is it because you particularly like kids, or…" He trailed off, concerned now at the dreamy look she had to the window.

"Because the service club meant a lot to me." She said, still staring out the window. "Because when the three of us were there, I… I was really happy. And I wanted the feeling of being able to help people again, in my own way. Even if you two aren't…" She bit her lip. "...even if you two aren't there."

"…"

"After her funeral, when you stopped going coming to school, I couldn't go to the clubroom anymore. It was… way too lonely." Her brown head dipped, she stared into the cushion of her seat. "Sensei told me it was alright; that I could take a few days off from school and she would approve it with the faculty if I asked."

It was his fault, he thought. If he had the decency and strength to even just go to class, Yuigahama would at least have the comfort of being with the only person that she could grieve with. Instead he hid at home, seldom ever leaving his room and constantly trying to drown out the world around him.

It was remarkable that he even passed high school and got into university. Hiratsuka-sensei truly stuck it out for him. He spent at least a month in remedial classes when his mother had finally coaxed and forced him to go to class, his absence and truancy risking a year held back. His motivation was solely not to be trapped in Sobu High for any longer than he needed.

In the silence, he looked up to the girl who was sadly genuflecting. Yuigahama Yui stuck by his side even when he brushed her off. Not once, did he offer her a word of comfort while she offered him all of hers.

"I'm sorry." His voice was low. It earned him the eyes of the girl sitting across from him. "Even if I don't – even when I can't ask for your forgiveness…" In a scenario like this, he needn't even bother with thinking about class or talking smoothly. "I selfishly acted like I was the only one who lost somebody. I never thought about the one person in that high school who could even come close to understanding; the one person who even cared to understand me in the first place."

He wryly smiled at his own foolishness, staring into the balled hand he had made on the table.

"You lost something too. And I'm sorry I was never there with you."

He closed his eyes, ready for Yuigahama to hammer him with every ounce of malice she deserved to throw at him. Instead, he felt her hands wrap around his.

"Stupid Hikki." She said as she pried his fingers apart, easing the tension he had made with his fist. "You 'can't ask for my forgiveness?' What kind of disgusting rule is that?" She tearfully looked up to him, a smile he hadn't seen for years on her face. "It's really disgusting. Revolting, even. It's so gross I seriously might run away. It's not about forgiveness. You could have had that any time you wanted."

In one instant, she melted his doubts and fears.

"You're so stupid. Really stupid, and dense too." She continued.

"Alright, alright. I get it. You can run away if you want." He couldn't help but smile. At this rate, she would go on to say: 'Dummy. Nincompoop. Hachiman.'

 _"aaand_ your order is – am I interrupting something? Don't tell me, you're actually pregnant with his child and-"

"No."

"NO!" Yuigahama Yui was flushed, hands madly waving infront of her. "We were just caught up in the moment, and things got really… Oh, just…!"

The waitress laughed. "Just a joke, sorry. I thought it was well timed." She placed the dishes on the table expertly before taking another look towards him. "Seriously though, is everything alright? Because if it isn't, I have to call my manger and-"

"Don't worry. We'll be fine." Yuigahama supported him with a nod.

The waitress seemed relieved. "Alright then. Oh, sir, the receipt is right here. Thank you for coming tonight!" She handed him a slip of paper, his debit card wrapped inside it.

"Huh? Ehh? Wait, that's – when did you?" Yuigahama stammered, staring at him receiving his card and mouthing a 'thank you' to the waitress.

"Sorry, Yuigahama-san. It was when we ordered earlier. It looks like you're being treated by his family after all."

He remained quiet, signing the bill and crumpling his copy of the receipt as Yuigahama fumed and the waitress left laughing.

"You… even when I said I wasn't going to be treated…"

"I am at least somewhat of a good son, you know. My mother wouldn't want me to break her streak." He smiled, unwrapping his silverware.

"You looked really cool there, for a bit…" She shyly murmured, taking her own spoon and fork out of the napkin. "I won't forget this though."

He was too busy cheering in his mind to hear her response.

Yes! Success! Hiratsuka-sensei had taught him something of practical use for once!

The sound of silverware gently hitting plates started; the two started into their meal.

* * *

Getting off of the train, they walked down a downhill street together. The moon was beginning to crawl over them, street illuminated by lampposts and the bright moon.

"I'm so full~"

"Do you really eat two dishes every time? Fried rice and tonkatsu is your 'usual'?"

"You bet! That restaurant makes it really tasty, you know. That's why I feel so bad about Hikigaya-san paying every time. She doesn't even take any of the katsu when I share it with her!" She pouted. "Always says that 'I'm blessed' and that all the food goes into the right places in my body. I have to exercise too, you know."

So, she too was enamored with the well-being of Yui's yuis.

"And you! What's with you treating me, huh? How much does a graduate student get paid anyway?" She rushed up infront of him, pointing at his face.

"Enough to treat a long-time friend out to a meal at a family restaurant." He cheered inward again. He wondered if he should start keeping track of the Hiki-cool-meter. It would be well-worth it after the earlier trick in paying the bill early.

Their commute by foot shouldn't have been too long. While speaking about their recent history on the train, he learned that Yui lived close to the university, albeit on the otherside of town. The street they were on would take them closer to the center to leave off.

"I saw you once actually, Hikki. Your graduation, in fact. The school went into the university that day to see the commencement speech." She shuffled her feet. "I would have come up to congratulate you, but you were with your family, and I was too busy supervising."

"It's fine. I was miserable back then. More miserable than now, anyway."

"Are you still…?" Her voice was filled with concern, but she was thoughtful enough not to press him. Even so, Yuigahama Yui would definitely be able to discern whether or not he was lying.

"Yeah. I am." He said simply. He was ashamed enough to not approach anyone even in his immediate family about his depression, as sporadic as it might have been. He was aware enough that he could still reach out and talk to Yuigahama Yui, but the barriers he erected around _her_ would take far more than the lecturing of his mother and teacher.

He direly hoped that the girl hadn't noticed that he couldn't even say _her_ name.

"So, Hikki ended up drowning himself in work to forget the pain, then." She said knowingly. "I guess I did too. In my own, twisted way, I ended up doing the one thing that would comfort me."

"You make it sound like it's a bad thing."

"Isn't it? As great of a cause as helping kids is, I did it out of comfort. I wanted to be invested into their lives, just like we did at the service club. Anything for that feeling, again."

"You're doing it because you don't want them to go ever go through what we did?"

She nodded her head.

"Then don't sound like such an addict. People have dark secrets all the time. The fact that you get your kick out of helping people is the most positive, disgustingly sweet thing I've heard all month." He was convinced he spoke the truth. He turned into a workaholic with academia. By comparison, Yuigahama would be eligible for a sainthood if her troubles caused her to help people.

"Why do you always have to be so insensitive? How could girls possibly find that quality endearing in a guy?" She complained to him.

"Who says I'm doing it for girls? Like I'd force myself to change for the sake of a bunch of snotty bitches."

"Even if you're not calling me a 'bitch', you shouldn't say that so easily, you know!"

"What, your boyfriend going to throw me around if I do?" He smirked at her annoyance.

"…I… never had one, actually. Not for long. We broke up a year ago." She sadly looked at the pavement they were walking on.

He winced and stopped. "Sorry. I just thought you – I didn't know." He was too careless in his assumption. He reprimanded himself by biting his tongue.

"No, it's alright. I sort of knew it was going to end like that anyway. He… didn't really have the greatest reputation when we were in school together. Found him and my roommate in bed together when a trip to Tokyo was cancelled. I dropped him and moved out that week."

 _Tch._ Bastard.

He heard her chuckle softly. "You don't have to get upset Hikki, even if it makes you look kinda cool."

"I'm not angry so I can look-" He was interrupted by her index finger against his lips.

"I know, I know. Thank you. I'm happy that you are angry anyway." She twirled around, satisfied with his blushing reaction. "I can take care of myself now. I want the genuine, real thing. I won't make that mistake ever again."

He found himself unable to disagree with her. She had settled and made her peace already.

"'Genuine', huh? Takes you back, doesn't it?"

"It does! We were really surprised that day, you know. We didn't think Hikki could say something so warm and honest." Her smile only fed his embarrassment further.

"Please don't remind me. I'm still trying to burn that moment out of my brain. Haven't gotten anywhere."

"Do you miss... do you miss those days?" She was careful not to mention anything too specific. He was infinitely grateful to her for that. The last thing he needed now was a bad reminder to push him over the edge of this already overly emotional night.

"Sometimes. It was easier, back then."

"Then… in that case…"

"Hm?"

Yuigahama's eyes were closed. A blush was starting to form on her face, and she took a deep breath as she patted her cheeks with her palms. With a content nod, Yuigahama took a small hop towards him, one hand extended in a wave in the air.

 _"Yahallo,_ Hikki!" She yelled, her voice echoing around the park.

A beaming smile was on her face, the look of nostalgia and emotion flashing in her eyes. It should have looked and sounded grossly inappropriate, for a young woman dressed modestly for the office. Yet, at that moment, nothing would have been more appropriate between the two of them.

 _Yahallo._ God, what a completely stupid greeting. Overly cute, made absolutely no sense in English or Japanese, improper at every step…

"Idiot. I'm right here, and we've been together for hours." He could feel his face involuntarily returning her smile, an overwhelming and ironic sense of relief that the phrase he had once found annoying was so comforting. "And you're disturbing the peace."

"Ehe. I know." She gave him a wink; far too similar to something that Isshiki would have done. He wonders how many men's hearts she could unknowingly string along with that overly cutesy-look.

Looking around, he found himself at their crossroads; the intersection parting their walk home.

"Well, I'm this way." He thumbed to the direction of his apartment.

"Mm, then I guess we'll be off here then." She had a disappointed look on her face. He wondered if spending time with him had ever been so enjoyable to her.

How far did she live off? He initially hesitated on asking, but ultimately caved in after a few seconds of awkward standing.

"Are you close? If it's a good distance, I'll walk you home. It's pretty dark tonight." He hoped his reasoning deflated any accusation she may have of him wanting to spend more time together, if even for a few minutes. He dared not approach the thought that it was actually him who wanted it most.

She shook her head. "No, I'm just a few minutes now. It's a good neighborhood, so I'll be okay." She played with a stray end of her hair. "Besides, Hikki. You shouldn't engage in chivalry with me. It didn't work out the last time, remember?"

He laughed at her newfound dry humor. She smiled upon hearing it as though it was an achievement.

"Right… I'll see you, then." He turned around and started making the trek uphill towards his apartment complex.

"...Hikki, do you mean it?" Her voice came from behind him.

He stopped, turning around to look back at her. Her expression had turned into a solitary one, she was looking into the ground.

"Do you… will you see me again, sometime?" It was notably more courageous of her than he had ever seen, but she was still shy.

He chewed his lip. 'I'll see you' was just an expression, wasn't it? He hadn't meant-

"Yeah. We will. Don't worry." He spoke it freely. "Somebody like you probably wants to make up for the last five years I spent hiding."

She looked up bubbly expression returning with happiness. "Absolutely! Definitely!"

With a last wave, the two parted. He started off to his apartment.

He went through the majority of his first year in high school thinking that he was better off without friends. People like him weren't meant to have any and he was content with that. His bitterness was focused solely on himself and the world; it wasn't the fault of people that they didn't see him for who he was. He just happened to see into them far more than they would ever want to see in him.

He chastised his elementary school self in middle school for being too childish and lame. He chastised his middle school self in high school for being naïve. He wondered if he was beginning to chastise his high school self. And to what degree? He had hardly changed and his ideals certainly hadn't inched.

Yet, while standing in the elevator of his apartment, Hikigaya Hachiman found himself berating the teenager he was.

"Idiot." Tears formed in his eyes. Nobody was around, so damn it all if he became like this. "Your unlikely friends were the best things you had."

With a _ping_ from the elevator, he wiped his eyes and walked towards his room.

 _Wrrr, wrrr!_ His cellphone buzzed in the side of his pants.

\- **Good night, Hikki!** **( ﾟ∀ﾟ** **)**

\- **Ah, wait, is this your new number after all? I got it from the train but…**

\- **Ah, I'm sorry if I got the wrong number!**

\- _Goodnight, Yuigahama._

\- **Oh, it is you! Sweet dreams!**

Her messages were less crude than in high school, but she was still a clumsy mess.

Eager to fall asleep, he pushed his key into the door and walked into his apartment, refusing to look at the plume of papers from Berlin that sat on his kitchen table. He would get to them later, when every possible deadline was met and every concern in his life was finished.

Opting to shower in the morning, he changed into the sleepwear his mother had left folded on his bed and flicked the lights of his studio apartment off.

Despite having woken up in the middle of the day, he easily relaxed into his bed. Perhaps he had overdone it.

 _Wrrr, wrrr!_ He held his phone over his head, fluorescent light from the screen shining brightly on his face.

\- **I'm glad that we ran into each other today.**

He fell asleep shortly after sending his response.

\- _Me too._

* * *

He snarled at the ceiling the staff room he worked in, cursing the Gods of misfortune for painting a target on him.

Perhaps it was an elaborate prank by the university; the faculty he worked with had to have been well aware of his lack of social prowess by now. They either truly hated the students that paid their tuition, if they had requested this of him. That, or they too shared Hiratsuka Shizuka's overbearing social messiah complex, opting to force him into interacting with as many people as possible.

"Jeez Hikigaya, stare at the ceiling anymore like that and it'll run away from you, you know?"

Certainly, the two others in the staff room, fellow graduates and teaching assistants, weren't alleviating his stress.

"Can you blame him? Hikigaya is the last person capable of doing something like this, you know."

If anything, they were making it worse.

"How cruel; the professor must really have it out for him."

"Right, right? Maybe he's punishing the class too, for doing so poorly on the last quiz."

Were these two teaching aids blind? He was _right there._

Their advising professor had called him at an ungodly five AM, apologetically asking him to take over the lecture for the day. The station taking him from Todai[2] had issued an emergency stop. The man would most likely get here hours after the lecture time was over.

His professor, in an attempt to lighten the mood to him over the phone, told him that he should take it as a compliment, as he was so confident of his knowledge the course that Hikigaya was the best candidate for the option.

It's not like he could refuse, anyway. He relied far too heavily on the university, and needed no excuse for them to look down on him.

Rather than spend his relatively easy day of the week relaxing, he went through the entire morning and mid-day frantically going over the lecture notes his professor had in the office. He hoped that he would just have to read through the topics verbatim, and not answer any questions.

One of the teaching aids, a girl whose name he still didn't remember, had obstructed his view of the ceiling, bending over his head.

"Hey, it's almost time. You'll be late if you don't leave soon."

He grimaced, having lost track of the time spent by moping in the staff room. His expectation of teaching as a graduate was that of going over a _short_ class every week, followed by being used as a grading machine and a body to sit there in order to proctor an exam.

 _Wrrr, wrrr!_ His phone shook on his desk, brightly exclaiming that Yuigahama Yui had sent him a message.

\- **Good luck; do your best! I'm sure Hikki will be absolutely fine!**

\- _It's troublesome._

\- **I would have failed Japanese and History for sure, if it wasn't for you!**

"Hoh, who's that, Hikigaya? High school sweetheart?" The girl peeked over his shoulder, hungrily perusing the screen of his phone for any drama she could dream up of her co-worker.

Didn't she have any manners?

"None of your business." He threw the phone carelessly into his bag, and shrugged off the wrinkles on his shirt.

"Wait, hold on." The girl moved to his front, brushing her hands over his chest and re-adjusting his tie. "Shouldn't you be good at this kind of thing by now?"

"I don't really-"

"I feel pretty bad for the girl that you were talking to. She must feel like she has an awfully unreliable boyfriend."

"We're not-" The pressure around his neck had forcibly tightened before he could finish.

With a final tug, she straightened his tie and nodded in satisfaction.

"Looking sharp, Hikigaya. Shame you can't teach with a blindfold on though. You'd be an absolute stunner, otherwise."

He sighed, not remarking on whether or not she had just complimented him.

"Thanks for your help, I guess."

Hikigaya Hachiman took his bag and walked in the direction towards the lecture hall.

* * *

"…which brings us to the end. The next chapter will begin next week." He spoke clearly. Luckily, thanks to the lapel microphone attached to his collar, he had little need to speak loudly. The lecture hall was fairly new and well-equipped. It didn't take any effort on his end for students in the back to hear him.

He flipped over the last page of lecture notes, indicating that he was finished.

In all fairness, it wasn't nearly as bad as he thought. He noted that only a few people left mid-way lecture.

"Because Enjou-sensei isn't here, there won't be a quiz administered and we'll finish early. For next class, go over-"

It seemed that the entire lecture hall had exhaled in relief, and the once silent room had immediately sprung into conversation, drowning out the instructions for the next class. They were already lost; there was little point in going forward. Besides, they had the syllabus. Not his problem if they didn't prepare themselves by now.

Like the undergraduates he too was desperate to end the day and go home. Unwiring the microphone from his shirt, he began assorting papers in a folder and packing his things.

"You're quite the speaker. What a surprise! I didn't think you would have it in you to go infront of a crowd like that."

A feminine voice came from behind him, getting louder as he heard the sound of heels clacking up to the podium.

"Huh?" He looked back, curious as to who thought they were familiar enough with him to make the comment.

"Or maybe you were capable all along; had all of the pent up energy hidden somewhere. Hey, Hikigaya-kun, do you actually get off on having power? Even if it's something as petty as a lecturer?"

The voice smiled at him, indigo eyes sharp and staring into his own. She was exceptionally well-dressed, wearing a trendy v-neck shirt under a widely cut sweater, pants cuffed up to her ankles. Her hair was longer than he remembered it being. If she grew it out any longer, she would probably resemble her sister.

Yet again, Hikigaya Hachiman cursed the Gods of misfortune.

Yukinoshita Haruno stood infront of him, bending far too close to his face for his comfort.

"Why are you here?" He asked immediately, hoping she wouldn't change the subject.

"Eh? Ah, I was around the campus and decided to visit a few acquaintances. Imagine my surprise when I heard that 'Hikigaya' was filling in for a professor later today." She smiled, giving him an answer so unlikely that he wasn't sure if she was lying or had an abundance of luck in tracking her prey.

"You aren't in this class. I've seen the roster."

"Chiba University allows people to audit lectures, thankfully."

"You graduated in the sciences, this is strictly in the humanities."

"I like to be versatile in knowledge. Broadening your horizons never hurts, you know!"

"I'm not the professor for this class."

"Goodness, why would I ever audit this class if he was the one lecturing? Silly, I'm here because of you!"

She expressed the last part too loudly. A few students exiting from the front had looked over at the two, curious to see the woman infront of him.

He grit his teeth. " _Why_ are you here?" He repeated.

Her eyes narrowed, smile slightly widening. She dropped her overly-friendly look changing to the cold look he had seen her wear freely around him in the past. Yukinoshita Haruno hadn't changed, just like him. She was as he remembered, and certainly as menacing.

"We need to talk. I tried calling, but it seems that you changed your number."

"Couldn't get it from somebody else? Our old homeroom teacher unfortunately makes liberal use of it."

She steeled her eyes with a look of resentment.

"We had a falling out. We aren't on speaking terms anymore."

"I see. That's unfortunate?" He hadn't meant to phrase it as a question, but Yukinoshita Haruno seemed to not mind as much as he thought she would.

"Not really, no." Her cold remark crushingly confirmed his suspicion. She spoke with little to no hesitation, brushing the matter off as though their former teacher was insignificant.

"…"

Yukinoshita Haruno never did anything without purpose. For her own amusement or personal gain, she would personally assure she got whatever she wanted.

 _'Pestering and poking something she likes until it dies, Hayama? I hope you're wrong.'_

"Well, Hikigaya-kun, shall we? There's an excellent student-run café on campus nearby, if I remember correctly."

"I have class later in the evening." He expended his last hope and excuse, even if it was a lie.

She linked her arm with his. He was certain she intentionally brushed his arm against her more than pronounced chest. Face flushing, he stammered and tried to pull his arm out. She tightened her grip, breathing out a chuckle at his reaction.

"I'm sure it'll be fine if you miss just this once. Hikigaya-kun is a serious student, isn't he? One break is perfectly fine; you can trust onee-san, she's done it plenty of times." Her smile had silently spoken a different message altogether:

He would, in some way or another, sincerely regret avoiding her.

They walked out of the lecture hall, a few students he recognized from his own class staring at him leaving with a beautiful woman attached to his arm. For most men, this would be a fantasy. Being led out of lecturing a class with a beautiful woman approaching and leaving with you.

But this was Yukinoshita Haruno, and he knew better than most that despite him wanting to leave and do nothing with her, she already had his attention and won the battle.

.

.

.

[1] A common greeting in establishments for Japan, out of respect to the customer.

[2] Tokyo University; top ranking university in Japan.

 **Haruno is here, after nearly 30,000 words. The moment I've been anxiously waiting for too, because she's the sole reason I started this in the first place.**

 **Before another long author's note, a few things I need to mention.**

 **First and foremost, I should say that I have absolutely** ** _no_** **idea what Chiba is actually like, so I'm pretty much shooting out whatever assumptions I can about what x school is or how y university does its thing. If there are any natives or visitors who will shoot me down, please do so gently.**

 **Secondly, a retroactive change that I've already made in the previous chapter regarding Yuigahama's hair. If you didn't notice or forgot, then pay it no mind.**

 **I really don't have an excuse for the delayed update. Class, work, _Fallout 4_ , all perfectly valid reasons. I will say, however, that there are plenty of reasons for me to continue. To be honest, my interest in updating had waned until just recently. I guess the restless creative energy in me finally needed to be expended outside of nasty assignments.**

 **This chapter still feels oddly rushed, despite me having taken a good amount of time writing it. That'll be partially because I started to write Tortoise in segments rather than in full bursts. Since it's 0600 and exceptionally late right now, I've beta'd this as best as I could. But, more than likely, I'll make all of my grammatical and stylistic changes repeatedly as I read this again and again and notice the more jarring mistakes that I've made. This is still, unfortunately, without beta reader. I'm to blame for that, I guess.**

 **My stance on the characterization isn't without fault, mainly because I've put a huge break in their lives (Yukino's tragic death), and gave them all five years or so to settle on it. The biggest problem I've run into is building the character of Hikki based on five years of unwritten exposition. But, luckily for me, he's a static character that will gradually grow along _with_ the story. Characters like Yui, who I at the very least _tried_ to portray in a different but similar light, are harder.**

 **And Haruno is just something else entirely. Seriously, I'm just going to channel every bit of bad ju-ju and hold no reservations with what she ultimately wants and does. Not to say she's going to suddenly become Angra Mainyu and start maiming people, but the character is honestly the best for things like this.**

 **Also lastly I changed my mind and again reverted it back to a T rating, since at this point there is honestly very little to warrant the M rating.**

 **Perhaps as a spoiler or teaser, I will say that the reason to warrant an M rating has already been written and is very much so an integral part to the story. Don't misguide yourselves into thinking that Yui's return into Hikki's life is the sudden uphill-shift and change. It's just the start of what will now be the crux of the story.**

 **I've dropped the chapter numbering entirely. I don't even know what I'm doing with that. #4 is #2? Aaaaa not even, man. Not even!**

 **Also I'm a boob and I've already written both the ending and the epilogue. For the most part, the story itself has already been outlined and drafted roughly in a .txt file named 'Haruno dot text'.**

 **Drop a review if you're so kind; maybe that's the motivational buzz that I need. I read them all. I even reply to some of them. Feel free to drop me a private message too! Ask me anything and we can talk about Yui's yuis all you want.**

 **Thanks for sticking out this long as always, again I'm really sorry for the late update. I'll try to be a bit more punctual, but not so much consistent.**

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As an aside, the 'trick' Hikki and sensei used to pay for the bill early is actually what my girlfriend did on our first date. My reaction was, more or less, Yui's. I still don't know how it's done.


	6. Barefoot on Grass

**_Disclaimer_ : Oregairu doesn't belong to me, all rights reserved to Wataru Watari.**

 **I've taken an exceptional amount of imaginative liberty when writing this; so if there's anything that seems factually off, please let me know, so I can embarrassingly and discretely edit the chapter(s).**

 **Edit: Recently updated with proper line breaks/formatting. For people reading this as the chapter hits, I hope you refresh because I don't think it will make too much sense without them.**

Barefoot on Grass

Tea is not a bad drink. Far from it, considering how much of it he consumed. His mother often would serve tea for her and himself when the two were up late at night; her with office work and him because he needed more things from a Kushala Daora[1]. He had become accustomed to being served multiple varieties of tea in the Service Club's clubroom, and thus found himself taking apart of it more than actual water.

However, he couldn't actually separate tea from water in the hierarchy and classes of drinks. The perfectly brewed pot of tea was still too subtle, lacking in qualities that could make him appreciate it any more than a warm drink. Putting cream and sugar in tea like westerners did only made it seem too artificial and processed.

Coffee, on the other hand, was different. Enough caffeine to make a difference, and with enough flavor and texture of bitter and sweetness that could dissolve away the stresses and troubles throughout the day. Even if the relief was temporary and largely superficial, Hikigaya never took a can of MAX coffee for granted. Any cup of coffee, really, so long as it was sweet. If he had the choice, he would gladly choose coffee over tea at any time that was appropriate.

"Is something wrong, Hikigaya-kun? Shall I order you something else instead?"

"No, tea is fine." His daydream of delicious coffee was as broken as his willpower to tell the truth.

"It's okay to be picky with me. I won't hate you for it." She flashed him a toothy grin, baiting a response out.

Hikigaya furrowed his brows and let out a grunt of frustration, staring at his cup of green tea. She was the one who ordered for the both of them in the first place. The waitress had given him the illusion of choice at the beginning. The moment he opened his mouth to give out his order, she had already spoken for the both of them: _"Two cups of regular green tea for myself and him."_ Like a mother or owner of a pet, she had not even considered what he wanted.

She audibly stifled a laugh. "You don't have to look so annoyed, I'm only playing with you." She warmed her hands around her teacup, her gaze pinning him down and making him sink further into his seat in discomfort. Beautiful women seldom ever give him a spit of attention.

"You really haven't changed at all, have you Hikigaya-kun?"

 _Only for the worse._

"…Speak for yourself."

She was still remarkably attractive, moreso than anyone else in Chiba. In her mid-twenties, Yukinoshita Haruno lost no sense of youth while maturing further. Her expressions, mannerisms, and tone of voice still emanated the same sense of danger and hiding of an ulterior motive. Even if she had grown out her bangs and hair, he would be able to recognize and pick her out in a crowd instantly.

"You need to get better at giving compliments if you want girls to like you, Hikigaya-kun. There are so many ways to say that I still look as young and pretty as before!"

With a smile and a cat-like laughter, she reached across the table with her arm and pat on him the shoulder with too much effort for his comfort. He stared into his tea while grinding his teeth. He tried to avoid the looks and stares from the other patrons of the café, detesting the scene she was making.

 _She's still really hard to deal with…_

"You look so scared! Don't be like that, I'm playing with you." She crossed her legs under the table and took in another sip of her cup, eye contact with him remaining throughout.

"Yukinoshita-san…" He took a short breath, readying himself to deflect her offhand retorts. "Why are you here?"

"Just two Sobu alumni meeting on a nice afternoon. Isn't it normal for a senpai to reunite with one of her juniors?" She had met his narrowing eyes with her own. "Of course, that sort of statement doesn't mean anything to a person like you, does it?"

"Not really." He almost stammered, becoming increasingly more self-aware the longer he felt her eyes on him. "How did you know I was here? Pester somebody until they told you?"

"The net is vast and infinite," she deeply and slowly spoke, her childish impression of a mysterious voice seeping in and leaving before she could laugh. "You'd never guess how easy it is to find details about somebody through a search engine. I figured you wouldn't engage in social media whatsoever, but your name certainly does come up on various academic journals. Very impressive, by the way. I read some of your papers on my flight over here."

"Remind me to take them down later."

"Aww, don't be like that! Seeing that side of you was actually very intriguing. Imagine my surprise when I found out how well-read Hikigaya-kun became. And you write so eloquently; if I didn't know you I'd say you were a natural academic."

Writing was one thing he found little effort to do. Self-expression and reflection especially, considering the sheer amount of genuflecting he had been subject to. It wasn't his fault that his university professors and high school teachers found his writing to be unsatisfactory at times.

"…Though I guess searching for 'Hikigaya Hachiman' and finding a syllabus for some contemporary Japanese literature course in Chiba University is what ultimately got me here."

 _Ah, damnit. I forgot that was public domain. Maybe I can get Enjou-sensei to take it down…_

"Unsurprisingly, you're as crafty and scary with your goals as ever, Yukinoshita-san." He helplessly smiled and raised his cup to his lips.

That, and she was particularly scary for actually going out of her way to meet him in person.

She beamed up at him with delight. "If I want something, isn't it only right for me to work until I get it? Something like this is quite easy, really."

And he started to wonder; if it were so easy for her to find him through a class syllabus, shouldn't have it been equally as easy to obtain his phone number from somebody else?

"…You said you were on a flight? Why didn't you just call a mutual acquaintance if you wanted to speak to me?"

"Hmmm," she sealed her lips with an index finger before continuing. "It would've been a little awkward to just call somebody after being gone from Chiba for so long and not having been in contact with them. I wouldn't want to be a bother to Komachi-chan, she must be busy at school."

 _Oh, how I wish you would extend that consideration to the other child of the Hikigaya family._

"I don't have a very strong relationship with Gahama-chan either. She never liked me, I believe."

Before he could stop himself, he spat out at her. "Maybe it's because you kept calling her 'Gahama-chan?'"

His companion's eyes widened and her mouth was slightly agape for a split second before she gave a small chuckle. Despite not having expected his sharp retaliation against her for the sake of Yuigahama, Yukinoshta Haruno recovered expertly and deflected whatever initial shock she held.

"Wow. Hikigaya-kun, I didn't know you became _this_ passionate about your friends. Maybe you have changed after all."

Under normal circumstances, Hikigaya would have been reeling in shock for so fervently defending somebody who wasn't even there, much less defending somebody to begin with. He didn't care about what other people thought about other people; he was self-conscious to a fault, if he pretended that hurtful things people thought about him hadn't affected him in the slightest, then what other trashtalk people said about each other behind their backs was even less important, if such a thing were possible.

But he thought none of that. He didn't even have the chance to discard the thoughts from his head, should they have even started.

Hikigaya Hachiman simply acted in pure impulse and _frustration_ , because somebody on the world found it appropriate or even remotely amusing to speak badly about Yuigahama Yui. About a person in the world who had accepted his friendship after years of him shunning her away.

"…You knew she didn't like that name." A cross from him.

"In my defense, I only realized she was bothered by such a thing much later on." A parry from herself, though even she sounded unconvinced of her response.

"It wouldn't have been hard to just add two syllables in front of it, you know…" A returning jab from him.

With a solid _thunk_ , her tea cup harshly hit the wooden table and her voice sunk in tone. "If she was so discomforted by hearing me say it, she should have _left_ every time I did so." Her voice spoke with an almost authoritative-like vigor and will, as though she were stamping out his statements like annoying cockroaches. "Why do _I_ have to make amends for people who won't give me the same courtesy?"

The steel in Yukinoshita Haruno's eyes could have plated warships.

When she noticed him staring at her, she softly gasped and almost instantly her eyes held back the same grossly sparkling twinkle, and hear demeanor was once again back to her prying and bubbly self. "I'm sorry. That was selfish of me to say. _Yuigahama_ -chan and I just never had a chance to get to know each other better, so I wouldn't have wanted to bother her for something like this anyway."

He almost shivered at the sight. Her proficiency in playing her different roles had always frightened him. He tried to live every breath with blunt honesty, while she was quickly unraveling his world just by existing. A person, or rather a _human_ , shouldn't be able to wear and throw off emotions like hats.

But he had seen them before, the moments where Yukinoshita Haruno's AT-field of a mask had holes. He could get small glimpses of whatever entity was behind her grossly charming personality and pretty face. If anything, it had comforted him that Yukinoshita Haruno was probably bitter and cynical on the inside just as he was. It meant that the other side of her coin was human, in contrast to the fake personality she wore at all times.

No. The most disturbing thing to him was that her seemingly constant state of strength in her mask was so easily crushed by him mentioning the fact that she was being unnecessarily distasteful to Yuigahama. He had never actually seen her angry. Cold and stoic, definitely, but never angry.

And he had especially never seen the corners of what looked to be the truth behind her persona.

"No, it's…"

And when her eyes looked back into him, looking alien and piercing as if to scrape off any hints of him wanting to push in the holes in her mask even further, hints of excitement behind them, Hikigaya cowered. Remnants of his earlier anger not nearly enough to meet her gaze.

"It's alright. I'm probably just overlooking the entire thing anyway, to be honest…" He awkwardly looked to the side, down into the floor tiling.

"Yup! Just an oversight from both of us, let's leave it as that." She nodded her head happily and picked up her purse, sifting through it.

And just like that, he remembered that above all else, Yukinoshita Haruno was a frightening person who never failed in making him doubt himself.

"Check please!" She waved over to the student worker standing by the counter.

* * *

"I wonder if this place will ever change. It's exactly the same since I was here; aside from a couple of new buildings."

While he walked in a straight line down the campus sidewalk, the person accompanying him relished in being able to slink back and forth from his side, to circling around him and asking questions to annoy him, and then to powerwalk up to random objects nearby, asking him for an opinion on something she found even remotely interesting.

After ten minutes, he found it much easier to surrender and speak up whenever she pressed him about anything. If he didn't, she would end up coming back and stopping him physically for his thoughts that she forced him to create.

"Come back in forty years and see if this place is still the same then."

"It's a date!"

"Please don't force me into your life…"

"Ahh? Hikigaya-kun would let an old lady walk around all by herself? What if I get lost, or I get held up for my wallet?"

"…That's the police's problem, not mine."

He held back his wince as much as he could when she sharply slapped him on his arm.

"Wrong answer! That's ten points off the quiz!"

He must have been giving off a particularly annoyed look, judging from how quickly she was beaming up at him.

"But really, an academic? And in letters too! I guess you didn't feel the need to follow the advice I gave you years ago, did you?"

"…You remember that?"

She nodded her head. "You were kind enough to walk me home to the station that day. We were talking about what subject everybody was going into when they graduated. I said social studies; history to be more exact, you probably would be bored reading about regular people all day."

Even though he still read manga and light novels in his spare time, he grew to enjoy contemporary literature shortly after graduating high school. Moreso because it certainly held a greater library and thus enough of a reservoir to occupy his time. As entertaining and manga and light novels were, the greatest writers of the world, regardless of region, were truly capable of being profound.

"Though maybe you would have made a decent man at a company as well."

He scoffed. "I'd sooner bankrupt a company with my numberwork than bring any sales." One joy of upper learning was that he was only required to take half a year in anything remotely related to the sciences; he managed to replace it with a class in predicate logic and outright avoid any numbers altogether.

"Oh? You're great with people though."

"I don't really see myself working well with people. Ever."

She rushed up to him and hummed with satisfaction. "But you certainly know them, don't you?"

His frown remained plastered on. "That doesn't mean I like being around them."

"For someone so proficient in maneuvering people to his whims; and then for him to really _know_ said people, you come off as quite the misanthropist."

"I'm..." His feet stopped, and he looked down into the pavement.

He didn't hate people, truly. He found them repulsive at times certainly. All worldly troubles probably originated from people. Despising society and despising people were two different things entirely.

 _I don't hate people._

"Ah, well, I suppose that's not right, actually. Hikigaya-kun cares too much about the people he loves to ever be considered a misanthropist."

 _They just aren't…_

"After all," the sight of gravel and pavement was replaced with Yukinoshita's purple eyes. He would have inched back from the proximity, had he not been trapped in thought. "How could somebody so willing to offer themselves as a sacrifice bring himself to hate people?"

He found himself scowling. "I didn't do it for them, if that's what you're asking."

"Oh, I'm sure you partially did it just to get people off of your chest," to his relief, she straightened back away from him. "But do you really think you would have done those things, had you been the person you pretended to be?"

"It would have been even more of a pain to listen to my parents and our old homeroom teacher drag me out constantly…"

She sharply laughed. "They would have given up, over time. Shizuka-chan so desperately wanted you to go to that club, but you could have easily and adamantly refused her."

He felt a slender hand gently push up his chin.

"Surely you won't deny it? You did all of that on your own volition. Yes, you may have been influenced, but ultimately you had done those things because you _wanted_ to."

As he reached up to slap her arm away, her eyes narrowed and he found it harder to breathe.

"Even if you regret it now, you can't change the fact that you threw yourself to the wolves for the sake of being acknowledged by other people, even if just _those_ _two_."

Hikigaya could have prepared himself for hours and he would still fail to hold back a grimace every time he had thought of _her_.

"…That was years ago."

Unbeknownst to him, Yukinoshita Haruno's eyes glimmered with discovery.

"Then it certainly speaks volumes on how much it meant to you, if you're unable to bring yourself back to spirits." Their eyes made contact, and her head slightly tilted to her side. "From what I've been told, you took it the hardest, to their surprise. You didn't ask for help either, as expected of you. You didn't even accept it when it was freely offered to you."

Wordlessly, he looked back down to his side and bit down on his inner mouth. "I didn't want their pity weighing me down."

"Consideration out of pity is just as bad as no consideration to you, then?"

"…It's not like they would have understood anyway."

"They're not to blame. After all, nobody but a few knew about your and Yukino-chan's budding love, am I right? It was only until after her funeral and when you stopped coming to class altogether that people started to connect the dots."

He found himself being led by his sleeve off of the sidewalk. With some relief, he unstrapped his messenger bag and laid it on the grass, able to lean back into the wooden bench they had just sat down on. Wordlessly, they stared into the setting sun for a dozen minutes, heads filled with thoughts of the past.

"…Yukinoshita-san?"

"Hmm?"

"Why are you here?"

"…To reunite with a junior. I told you before in that-"

"No," he interrupted her, shaking his head. "The real reason. After five years, I can't imagine that I'm any priority of yours."

It wasn't his lack of self-esteem speaking for him. Whatever business Yukinoshita Haruno held, it certainly didn't necessitate his involvement in anything. He was so far away from the workings of the political machine that was the Yukinoshita family; he almost went out of his way to _ensure_ it, if only for the false sense of security it wrongly gave to him when he slept at night.

She got up from the bench, took off her sandals, and walked barefoot into the grass. The sound of wind and the occasional leaf crunching beneath her feet was the only answer he received for a minute, while she walked in cycles facing away from him.

He thought to ask her again, and was stopped by her response a little before he had meant to.

"It was time for me to come home." She swiftly twirled back to face him, the only readable emotion on her face being a solemn smile. "I finished what I had to do elsewhere, and decided that I wanted to come home."

He stemmed his curiosity before it could flourish. He was better off not knowing, or at least better off without her knowing he was curious.

"…Recently, then?" He tentatively asked.

She nodded. "I arrived back into Japan three nights ago. Today is actually the first day I've had some time to myself; being away for this long has compounded a lot of… familial affairs that found their way to me."

Perhaps that was why she seemed slightly off to him. Even though she spared no effort in maintaining her image and personality onto others, he could see the brief outlines of bags beneath her eyes, and her shoulders which seemed to sink into her in relief when they sat in the café previously and the wooden bench just now.

"Hiratsuka-sensei said it was something like that. You decided to continue your studies abroad in… Europe?"

"Germany. It coincided with something I was taking care of at the time; only worked better for me if I studied there too, just…" She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly and looking as though she was relishing the cool air that she was breathing in. "I ended up staying longer than my mother and father had wanted me to. I… had a lot to do. For myself, and for the family."

… _Sounds like you were just running._

"You didn't want to be in Chiba?"

She laughed shortly and awkwardly, it was a sound he wasn't familiar with. "Yes, if you put it that way." She shuffled back to the bench, seating herself on the opposite end. "Even the elder daughter of Yukinoshita has her limits. We all have our differences in how we react to change."

She turned to face him. "May I tell you a secret, Hikigaya-kun? I haven't told this to anybody else; not even my physician even though I should have."

He blinked once, and then once more before nodding his head.

"I… couldn't sleep. When they put Yukino-chan in the ground, and covered her with the Earth, I couldn't sleep so long as I was in the prefecture." Her smile turned wry and she bitterly looked into the ground. "I moved out of our home and had our driver take me to a hotel in Tokyo for months, before I relocated to Europe."

He almost laughed at the fact that they had suffered in the same way. Except rather than force himself to leave Chiba entirely, he drowned himself with classwork and menial labor until he was too exhausted to be in the position of being an insomniac.

"So, there you have it, Hikigaya-kun. I came back because after years of running away, my father finally threatened to cut me off from the family unless him and his wife could see their daughter's face for the first time in years. And eventually, I came to the conclusion that I wanted to see their faces too, strangely enough."

 _Strangely enough...?_

"I see." He simply said. "I guess I ought to be flattered or something."

 _Ah! I didn't mean to say it outloud, even if it was sarcastic._

A scratching noise, then soft giggles into boisterous laughter. Hikigaya groaned and considered walking away from her on the spot, her laughter only reinforced his embarrassment the longer it went.

"Ggk… H-hah! Flattered? What's with that, Hikigaya-kun?"

"Ah, well… it just… you said it was your first free time in days, and… you could have seen somebody else important like your friends – just forget it."

"'Friends' you say. Do I really come off to you as someone who has 'friends?'"

"You seemed to have plenty of people follow you, if anything."

"Do you really not have any friends of your own to not be able to see they just followed me for their own personal image?"

"…You were friends with Hiratsuka-sensei, weren't you? You called her by her first name, even."

"'Sensei'… it's cute you still call her that, even after graduating."

He thought to ask her about their falling out, but decided against it. It wasn't any of his business, and he would much rather ask Hiratsuka-sensei rather than her, should he want to in the future.

"Say… are we friends, Hikigaya-kun?" Her voice was a whisper quieter than usual.

He looked up to his side. What were they, anyway? Even calling each other acquaintances was a stretch of one were to consider how often they saw each other in the past. The only relation they deeply shared was that she too was a Yukinoshita.

And, with her hair grown out longer than he remembered her wearing it, he was starting to see the resemblance. Their mannerisms were completely different, but they both shared the same level of worldly class that regular, run of the mill people were hopeless in wielding. Seeing her only reminded him of _her_ , in the ways that he hadn't expected to.

Unknown as to why, he found himself gravitating towards her; not just because she was pretty or because she unnaturally got everything she wanted. It was mostly because he forgot the feeling of somebody going out of their way to see him. Because he seldom ever knew the feeling before _she_ was the one to show it to him.

He didn't want people approaching him out of pity or concern because they felt like they needed to, just to sleep more comfortably at night.

"...We aren't not friends." His answer was as confused as his opinion.

"Then, logically speaking, we are friends! It's easier to just say that, you know? No need to add any negation in there to make it sound different."

He couldn't help but smile, even if she was a hard-to-deal-with person. "Guess my statement doesn't mean much to you."

It took her a few seconds until she realized she had said the same thing earlier in the day. "I thought you literary types were the kind to look down on plagiarism. That's awfully sneaky of you, Hikigaya-kun."

He shrugged. "I'm more of a fan of tributes than original work. Be flattered."

"So we're both flattered today?" She brought her knees to her chest, resting her head against them.

"…Something like that."

She stretched her arms out and whimpered in relief. He couldn't help but see her pronounced chest out of his peripheral vision. The sweater-shirt combo she wore hugged her tightly; it was a soft beige color that complimented the almost doll-like paleness that she and her sister (and their mother) shared. Her features had grown with age, the girlish eccentricities of her face and body only becoming more womanly and feminine in shape.

Under the darkening red sunset, with hair lightly blowing along with the summer-fall breeze, Hikigaya reinforced the notion that Yukinoshita Haruno could be picked out of a dense Chiba crowd.

"Looks like we lost track of time. It's getting late." She pointed to her expensive-looking wristwatch, signaling that the day had been crawling towards the evening.

The two stood up to re-straighten their clothes. He securely strapped his messenger bag across his body while she had wrapped her sandals around her feet.

"Are you far off, Hikigaya-kun? I'm sorry, I didn't expect to keep you for so long." She apologetically clapped her hands and winked at him, it was a cutesy technique designed to pierce into the hearts of young men.

 _I rate it a 6/10 on the Komachi-metric scale._

"I live within walking distance… it's fine." He surprisingly evaded her attack.

"Is that so? Am I still entitled to ask you to walk me to the station, then?" Her coy smile returned, though she seemed to be more apprehensive with her demand. Hikigaya wagered that if he wanted to, he could deny her with ease.

"…Yeah, if you want." With little hesitation, he strayed from thinking about denying her. For a moment, he wondered if he should have felt discomfort with the ease of which he did so.

The two walked off the grass and back onto the sidewalk, resuming the wandering trek they had made, though instead their destination was set towards the campus station. Notably, Yukinoshita didn't say much, nor did she get uncomfortably close to him, instead pacing alongside with little exaggeration in her movements.

Guiltily, Hikigaya wondered if it was okay to miss the feeling of her latched onto his arm, and the rush of adrenaline that would accompany it.

"…Yukinoshita-san?"

"Hmm?"

"I know I'm repeating myself for the second time now, but—"

"Why did I come to see you today?"

"…Yeah."

"Because I don't have friends. Acquaintances, classmates, relatives, co-workers, but not so much friends." She looked over to him with earnest eyes, unusually warm and benevolent. "I never had much luck with keeping any I make."

"...I know the feeling." He added quietly.

"You may not take the words for their face value, but I wasn't entirely lying in that café earlier, Hikigaya-kun. I just wanted to be a senior visiting her junior from high school. That's how I wanted to spend my day off."

"No offense, but you're not exactly the person who does things for such a weak reason."

She chuckled. "I suppose I can't deny it to your face anymore, then." She thoughtfully cupped her chin with her fingers. "Maybe… I'll tell you some other time, then."

"I won't take your word for it."

"Hey! That's just being rude, Hikigaya-kun!" She stomped her foot and playfully glared at him in jest.

He smiled as she broke into soft chuckles. He felt the attention of various stares and his smile faded. The small-talk they had made had no doubt looked like an insufferable couple walking together.

Looking back infront of him, he saw the service sign of the station.

"…Well, I'm off from here, Yukinoshita-sa—"

"Say, Hikigaya-kun?" She interrupted him, though her eyes seemed to be focused onto the station sign. "How about you just call me 'Haruno-san' from now on? We've already established that we're friends, right?"

 _Firstly, it would be too grossly familiar for me to call you Haruno-san just because we met and talked for a day after years. Secondly, I'm not comfortable with being in a first-name basis with_ anyone _much less you. Thirdly…_

"…Maybe some other time, _Yukinoshita-san_."

She smiled, albeit looking slightly sullen. "Haven't lost your wit overtime, I see. That's okay. I guess it's a little audacious and selfish of me to expect you to want to see me so suddenly." She turned from him and began down into the station.

When she walked down the station steps, he wondered briefly if he should again ask what she was doing in Chiba. It would have been a question designed to basically ask: "Will we run into each other again?" without him having sounded too desperate.

That he was even concerned about sounding too desperate was a sign to be alarmingly concerned.

The odd comfort that he received from talking to Yukinoshita Haruno today was also a sign to be alarmingly concerned. The fact that he was fighting with himself on whether or not he wanted to see her again, pestering and intrusiveness included, was undoubtedly going to keep him up later tonight.

Instead of asking the question, he simply said: "Good night, Yukinoshita-san." He was dangerously close to adding something cheesy and half-hearted at the end like: "And welcome back to Chiba," just to round off his farewell.

She stopped and stood there for a moment before turning on her heels.

"Good night, Hikigaya-kun. Thank you for talking with me today."

It was an unusually refined statement, coming from her. It lacked her upfront persona, and the forced rush of energy in expression and pitch. He garnered that it was likely due to her fatigue, having spent the entire afternoon walking with him, but…

 _She looks a lot like her sister._

The quick and passive wave she gave to him, the softer tone of her voice, and the way she stood with one arm behind her waist…

Hikigaya Hachiman was still standing there minutes after Yukinoshita Haruno had already departed from the Chiba University station.

* * *

Days had crawled by. Time seemed to lavish sluggishness.

Dictated by a mad conspiracy, Chiba University's Department of Letters faculty had unanimously decided to cram nearly every single undergraduate and graduate exam in the same space. Which meant that in addition to having to assist in preparing, proctoring, and grading hundreds of exams and essays, Hikigaya would have to squeeze in minutes and cut hours of sleep just to adequately prepare for his own.

Coming full circle, the Gods of misfortune deemed it necessary to make August the hottest month of the decade. They had decided that before Japan could enter the fall season, every weatherman on the television and radio would have the opportunity to be ecstatic about the fact that their day would reach upwards of 38 degrees centigrade.

He found it somewhat preferable, however. Having an ample workload meant that he could stuff his problems and concerns into the corners and cracks of his psyche. He wouldn't have the opportunity to brood if he didn't have the _time_ to do so.

After the day Yukinoshita Haruno sought him out in Chiba University, pulling him out of the lecture hall to have the longest conversation he'd had with another person in years, she too had become a lingering thought that he could shove into the recess of his brain. He hadn't seen nor heard from her since; he resented the fact that he had felt lonely the night of and day after.

And when he realized why he had thought so much of her, he laughed at himself for how obvious the reason was, and laughed twice as hard when he considered how _sad_ it was.

" _Then, logically speaking, we are friends! It's easier to just say that, you know?"_

He was desperately longing for anybody who had waddled in despair, even if only for a fraction of the time that he did. That it happened to be _her_ sister only made misery in company more mitigatable than usual.

" _How about you just call me 'Haruno-san' from now on?"_

"Aaarrgh! Damn!" His forehead landed against the metal work-desk of the office and the loud, booming racketing sound made his peers jump in their seats.

"Hyyah! Hikigaya, what is it?!"

"Ahh, leave him alone. He's probably just stressed out and needs a way to vent out."

"But… but he didn't have to scream out like that…"

"Well you're in the wrong for expecting him to react to it like a normal person…"

Amidst the rude bantering of his fellow graduate students, Hikigaya Hachiman desperately fended off thinking of the person who had marched into the lecture hall a little over three weeks ago.

Had he known it would cause him this much wasted effort, energy, and time spent staring up at his ceiling at night, replaying the _odd_ moments of their conversation, he would have sprinted out of that lecture hall the moment he recognized her.

 _Wrrr, wrrr!_

 **\- Hikki, you're still having dinner with me and sensei this weekend, right?**

 **\- You won't be forgiven if you don't show up! (≧ロ≦)**

He winced and buried his face into his sleeve. He had forgotten that he made a commitment to Yuigahama and Hiratsuka-sensei a few days ago, seeing as how he hadn't spoken to or seen either of them in weeks. And although his "busy with work" argument was perfectly sound and valid, it would have only hurt him more if he continued to deny them the opportunity.

 _\- Yeah. Please stop asking. This is the fourth time._

Evidenced by Komachi carpet-bombing his inbox with a record breaking 28 messages per minute when she found out that he had decided to ignore both Yuigahama and Hiratsuka-sensei's messages for a couple of days.

He groaned. The demonically brutal assignment he was given just a few weeks ago was due in later the next week. He had been forced to postpone it do to more recent due dates and he hadn't even so much as make a document on his computer for it. Worst of all, it demanded him to go out of his way in all of the ways he hated.

He would most likely have to cram through it and somehow bullshit the other fragments of the requirements the night after his meeting with Yuigahama and Hiratsuka-sensei. Another sleepless night, guaranteed.

He was getting thirsty, and the air conditioning didn't seem to relieve the heat any further.

"Ah, coming!" One of the girls walked over to the door, though he couldn't hear the knocking over his own moping. It was likely Enjou-sensei, coming in to tell them about yet another review session the undergraduates requested. "Ah, who are… Yes, this is… ah, he's right—"

Students were really the worst. Teach them all the material, give them insightful advice and tips on how to study, but half of them didn't even complete the readings and their essays were so damned awful and the desperation behind their half-assed guesses on exams were enough to drive him—

"Holy _smokes_ , Hikigaya! You're really capable of pulling in such high-rank girls like her?!" The other girl came up next to him and whispered this to his ear.

He lifted his head from the increasingly comfortable nest he made with his arms on his desk, and saw the figure who walked over to him.

 _No no no no nononono not now i cant spare any more time and im going tofaileverythingand_

"'Yahallo'! It's me! It took me a while to find your office!" An energetic and feminine voice had stolen Yuigahama's catchphrase of choice.

Dressed in another trendy v-neck (this one with much shorter sleeves leading up to her shoulders) and white pants cuffed to her kneecaps, Yukinoshita Haruno trotted in with a pair of expensive-looking sunglasses raised above her eyes and propped against her head. Her triangular-earrings made a return, along with what seemed to be even more accessories across her neck and wrist that classified her as a different _human_ over others.

In fact, judging from the awe the other two girls in the room looked at her and back at him with, she had definitely given off an aura of pure 'I'm better than you.' Not to say that the other two girls were particularly hard to look at, but…

"Here, Hikigaya-kun. I brought you the canned coffee you enjoy so much, and some bento you could have for lunch."

"Ahhaha… thanks…"

Undoubtedly, this would cause rumors to spread amongst the liberal arts graduate student body. The exact kind of gossiping that he was infinitely grateful for not having ever been a part of nor remotely involved with. Though, he was becoming infinitely grateful that there were cold and refreshing cans of MAX coffee waiting for him in the plastic bag in her hand.

"By the way, I was wondering, if…" she stopped herself short, before looking back to the other two girls in the room. "Oh, hello! I'm Yukinoshita Haruno. It's so nice to meet the people who work with Hikigaya-kun! Is it possible I could have _just a minute_ with him?"

He looked over at her. "Hey, this is an office; and it's theirs too, you know. You can't just ask people to leave—"

"Yes, absolutely!" They both chirped in union.

"Ah. Never mind then. I guess you can."

The two graduate students whom Hikigaya had known to be reliable and usually composed had stumbled over each other and somehow managed to leave the room without falling over each other.

" _Y-Yukinoshita?! As in_ _ **that**_ _Yukinoshita?! The daughter of the Yukinoshita pushing urban development reform?!"_

" _He's practically dating royalty… Hikigaya is really something, isn't he?"_

World already looking bleaker and more troublesome, he twisted his head over to his new guest, who was sitting directly on his desk.

"…What do you want?"

"I thought we were _friends_. And I don't know about you, but to the rest of the world, _friends_ can see each other without needing any reason to."

"And I suppose it's also normal for _friends_ to visit their _friends_ with bags of their _friends_ favorite coffee and a bunch of boxed lunches?"

Yukinoshita pouted and bashfully looked to the side. "You're no fun."

Hikigaya sighed and started sorting out the contents of the plastic bag on his desk. "…Thank you. I appreciate it. But really, what do you need from me? I thought you'd have been busy with all of the… 'familial affairs' you said you were occupied with."

She nodded her head. "I am. Actually, that's partially the reason why I'm here."

He braced himself. Yukinoshita Haruno never did anything without reason.

"How should I put this… ah, hmm…" She looked deep in thought, finger against her lips. "Well, how about some old fashioned nostalgia to break the ice?"

And, most of all, never did anything without an ulterior motive.

"I'm here to make a request of you, Hikigaya-kun!" Her smile widened and she pointed towards him. "I, Yukinoshita Haruno, request that you be my date for an evening!"

The can of MAX coffee in his hand crashed onto the tile floor, the hand grasping it having lost the will to hold it up.

"Ah – hey! It's going to break and spill if you aren't careful!"

.

.

.

[1] An elder dragon from Monster Hunter.

 **yes hello it is me again i have been dug out of my grave**

 **In their last review, 80K Hikigaya asked how much there was left until the ending without giving any spoilers. Tough to say, because even suggesting the length of the story can kind of tell you where the critical moments are.**

 **So, at the very least, I'll say this and hope it doesn't give out anything I want to give out: there are two major arcs that will take place. Hachiman's and Haruno's. Sorry to crush the dreams of whomever thought I would build and sail the ship for anybody else, but I thought it was rather apparent given that there was a chapter centric to Haruno.**

 **All in all, I won't say that the story will be** _ **long**_ **, but I don't think I can adequately finish the story in even twice the amount of chapters that I currently have. Just looking at the outline I've built right now, there's enough to warrant myself updating for a while. Which is great as an experience for writing a longer piece, but harder for me to fill in those blanks.**

 **Which brings me to this chapter, which has been long overdue. It's been repeatedly scrapped, re-written, and cut apart until it became what you've read just now. This was a result of me simultaneously losing motivation and time, but also having trouble deciding where to go. And I certainly do have my concerns over this chapter. Primarily, the introduction of Haruno and how strong she would come off into the story.**

 **At the end I realized that at a certain point, being** _ **too**_ **subtle with what I want to convey ultimately gets the story nowhere. And I promise that while my fears of Haruno just becoming this massively important part of the story to soon is likely justified, it will all balance out with what happens in the future. This is especially important to me, because of the juxtaposition these two will eventually encounter.**

 **Having been away from updating for so long also forced me to reevaluate the characterization and even things as drastic as the** _ **perspective**_ **. I've read segments of Excor's translations a few more times over just to see if I could get hints of a more accurate Haruno over my image of her. I don't want to follow too closely to the light novel characterization though; the intention being that both hikki and Haruno have changed drastically in ways that are and aren't shown to the reader.**

 **Regarding perspective, I actually at one point thought about switching the perspective to first person when the respective character arcs hit. Still on the fence about that, because it would ruin the consistency I've built so far. I think I've hit a point with this fandom where I really want to write in first person, just because of how much easier and nicer it would be to monologue through with hikki rather than infer it. I've also notably been almost bipolar with the overall tone. It's definitely lighter by comparison to the initial two dread-filled chapters I've written, isn't it? That's intentional. It's mostly to reflect that hikki is coming out of his depressive shell. I feel obliged to say that it's not going to be uphill for him entirely, however.**

 **This author's note is too long so I'll respond to any further thoughts through PM or reviews. The chapter itself might actually clock in as a bit more than usual, but that's obviously due to the fact that I've had the story's lifetime in duration to write it. I can't swear on update times; but my motivation and availability to write has recently been steadily increasing.**

 **Lastly I've tried to fix any glaring mistakes in grammar and sentence construction to the best of my ability, but I'll most likely sift through this chapter a dozen times tomorrow since it's 4:16 in the morning. Doing this without a beta is a bit tough.**

 **also as of this morning the new oregairu game was up and out and there's a screen of haruno cornering hikki against a wall and looking like she wants to disassemble him and there are beds in the background and 10.5 is confirmed with them and aaaaaaaaaaaa**

 **See you next time. I'm very happy to be back and I'm so sorry about leaving this to dry for months.**


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